


Synchronize

by xsilvershadesx



Series: Wolfstar and Tonks [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2020-08-20 11:36:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 42,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xsilvershadesx/pseuds/xsilvershadesx
Summary: Follows the relationship of Sirius/Remus/Tonks through the latter half of OotP. Sequel to In the In Between. Primarily from Tonk's pov but alternates with Remus' pov occasionally. The main cannon plot of OotP is going on in the background but the focus is their navigation of their budding relationship. Explicit for language, alcohol use and suggestive sexual themes that may evolve into explicit scenes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my work In the In Between. I think it can probably stand on its own but it is intended to be read after In the In Between. Enjoy!

Awareness clawed its way mercilessly through the comfortable layers of dreams and warmth. Reluctantly, Tonks opened her eyes. She could tell from the amount of light streaming around the sides of the curtains that it was well into the morning. She listened for the rhythms of breathing emanating from Remus and Sirius beside her. The deep, slow patterns assured her that both were still sleeping. 

She was on her back, with one of Remus’ arms resting across her midriff. He was curled around her, snoring softly. Sirius cuddle close behind him, his face slack and peaceful in away she could not ever remember seeing when he was awake. 

Gingerly she removed Remus arm, holding her breath as she slid off the edge of the bed. She did not want to wake either of them but her bladder insisted that she seek the toliet. She retrieved Remus shirt from the floor, unsure of where her own clothes had landed last night. Slipping the shirt over her head she tiptoed to the doorway. She smiled when she noticed they had been so distracted last night they hadn’t even bothered with closing the door. 

After relieving herself, she stood for a moment in front of the mirror contemplating her own image. Her hair was a softer pink than usual, more rosey than bubble gum and it hung down to her shoulder in a gentle wave. She also noticed that her facial features seemed softer as well though not much different than the day before. Blurred she thought. She could feel a slight redistribution of weight in her hips and breasts but that was often the case after a night like last night. She felt herself grin, really, there weren’t any other nights like last night. Nothing even close she mused. 

Heat made its way into her cheeks as she replayed her favorite bits in her mind. The months of anticipation, of longing for Remus in her bed had finally bore fruit. She could not recall ever pursuing someone for so long. When you could subtly reorganize your features to please any palate it rarely took much time to get someone’s notice. But such tricks had not worked on Remus, nor had she felt the compulsion to use them. When she finally had found her way to him, it was as herself, or as much as herself as any of her lovers had ever seen. That had seemed to make a difference, somehow. She realized now thinking back on the encounter that it had felt like more, more than the usual game of chase, more than simple sexual gratification. Was that because she truly loved Remus or was it because she had been, for a small moment, part of what Remus and Sirius shared? 

Sirius had been an unexpected but marvelous addition to the entire thing. He knew what he was doing in the bedroom and he brought out confidence in Remus that Tonks had not expected. They made an excellent team, she thought. It made her legs shaky just thinking about it. 

Swiftly she turned on the faucett and splashed cold water over her face. She needed to get ahold of herself. Plan how to proceed. Last night’s confessions and the passionate night of release that followed had been different, more complicated with three rather than two, but not uncharted territory for her. She had lived that scenario before, more than once. It was what came after that terrified her. 

Tonks was excellent at starting relationships. She was well practiced in the honeymoon phase full of passionate sex and emotional highs. It was the continuing part where she always seemed to fail. She always inevitably lost interest, became too bored or realized too late that she had been thinking with her libido instead of her head or her heart and came to the sudden realization that the person in her bed hadn’t a thing in common with her or worse, not one redeeming quality to speak of. 

The problem was, Tonks enjoyed sex quite a bit but she enjoyed partners much less. Her longest relationship to date, with a charming blonde witch named Alison she had met in Auror training, had lasted all of four months, the last month of which probably shouldn’t count as she had been actively trying to avoid Alison in an attempt to get her to initiate the break up so she wouldn’t have too. 

She leaned in toward the mirror, giving herself a stern glare. Things would be different with Remus and Sirius she promised. For one thing, she had genuinely liked Remus before she had began to lust for him. She had actually had little sexual interest in him when they had first met as he was older and more timid than her usual standards. Not that she hadn’t thought him attractive, even then. But once they had began to spend time together, he had charmed the pants off her, or at least she wished that he would. He had made her laugh and think and feel something she hadn’t quite felt before. She found herself interested in him in a way that was beyond mere sexual attraction. He was different, like her. He understood what it was like for people to never quite understand you. 

Sirius on the other hand, was more her usual type. Arrogant, teasing, and crude. And while she undeniably found him pleasing to lay eyes upon, she had not felt the same strong pull she felt for Remus. At any other point in her life she would never have noticed a wallflower like Remus standing next to someone as charismatic as Sirius. Perhaps she was finally growing up. She laughed aloud at her own reflection. 

Finally after she washed her hands, brushed her teeth and cleaned the dirt under her nails she ran out of excuses and resigned herself to return to the bedroom. At the very least she had to retrieve her own clothes and wand. 

On her return trip she stopped in the doorway to the room, looking down at their sleeping forms. She felt a sudden twinge of regret as she watched their chests rise and fall in the same easy pattern, their limbs still entangled. The two men looked comfortable and peaceful. Complete. she thought. She did not belong. She would cock it up, a terrible way to thank them for the space they had made for her last night. This had been a truly beautiful experience, one she needed to flee from before either of them woke and gave her a chance to mar all memory of it. 

She edged her way around the room, collecting her errant articles of clothing. Holding her breath so she wouldn’t wake them. If she could just sneak out, leave for the day, come back tonight and joke about this whole thing, like it was just a fun one night stand between friends… maybe it wasn’t too late to go back to how things were. Now that they had all slept together maybe things didn’t have to change. She didn’t have to ruin everything, again. 

She scrambled to grab her bra that she finally located peeking out from under the corner of the bed. She leaned over and snatched it up quickly, stumbling as she rose back to her feet. She caught herself on the edge of the bed, dropping her clothes out of her hands onto the floor in her surprise. She cursed as quietly as possible. 

“Tonks?” she heard Remus whisper blearly. 

“Hmm?” she replied, annoyed that she had just realized if she had grabbed her wand first she could have used accio to summon her clothes. 

She felt his arm around her waist, gentle and warm. “Do you have to leave already?” he asked quietly, his voice heavy with disappointment. 

She suddenly felt guilty for wanting to sneak out before he and Sirius woke. She owed them more than that. If she was having second thoughts, they deserved to hear them. She turned to face him, noticing the concerned lines in his face. “No. I just had to use the loo.”

He seemed to relax as he released his arm from around her waist. She smiled at him and he smiled back, shly. 

She climbed back in the bed next to him and he tentatively put his arm around her again as if he expected her to flinch away. She felt her heart pounding. Again something was different. Usually after a night like last night she would have had no shame. If it were anyone else in the bed she would have rolled on top of them, ready for another round. But with Remus she hesitated and it wasn’t just because his boyfriend was asleep next to him.

She realized all at once that she was afraid. Normally Tonks did not care what people thought of her. She knew better than anyone that people saw what they wanted to see. And if they don’t, it’s easy enough for me to give it to them. But suddenly she was aware that she cared deeply about what Remus thought. She wanted him to know her, to see her, really see her. But she was terrified of what he might see. 

She knew he thought she was brilliant, beautiful, and funny. But he didn’t know all of her yet. He didn’t know how selfish she was, he hadn’t seen her cry in frustration when she was passed over for praise by the senior aurors or how she could hold a grudge for the slightest provocation when it suited her. He thought she was kind and heroic. And she knew she could be those things at times but she was so many other petty things too. She could be inconsiderate, forgetful, downright rude when the mood took her. She was known to exaggerate to the point of lying and though he seemed to find her sarcasm endearing she knew she was capable of pushing it past fun and into painful territory in order to make herself more comfortable. Would he still want her when he found out she was like this? And why suddenly did that matter so much to her?

He was watching her with a strange look on his face. She continued to smile, or at least she hoped that he was interpreting what she was doing as smiling. 

“Can I-- Can I kiss you?” he asked timidly. She almost laughed at the request, wondering if she could remember anyone ever asking her permission when she was already half naked in their bed, but she knew he would take a laugh as a sign of rejection. Instead she rolled closer so that her face was next to his, moving her mouth toward his and closing her eyes. 

His kiss was soft and tender and she felt herself melting into it. He hesitantly pulled her closer and allowed his hands to linger on her back. When they broke for air he moved one hand to the bottom of his shirt that she was still wearing, holding the edge of the fabric between his fingers. She leaned closer to him, hoping to encourage his exploration. “Is it okay if I--”

This time she couldn’t hold back a soft giggle but before he could misinterpret she grabbed his hand and guided it underneath the shirt. “I’ll tell you if I want you to stop,” she whispered breathlessly. 

He pressed his palm against her stomach, the tips of his fingers barely brushing the underside of her breast. “I’m sorry, I’m just not used to-- Most people don’t even want me to touch them at all, let alone like this.”

She kissed his nose lightly. “What about Sirius?” she teased.

“He’s a special case,” Remus replied. “He’s known me most of our lives and he’s known what I am long before we…”

She moved his hand up onto her bare breast, nestling it close. “What you are is an amazing person. All those other people who didn’t want you to touch them are really missing out you know.” Through the dim light she could seem him blush. “More for me,” she teased.

“Don’t forget about poor lonely Padfoot,” Sirius replied peeking from behind Remus, his hands moving up to Remus’ chest as if to hold him more securely. 

“I said more. Not all,” Tonks teased winking at him. 

Remus removed his hand from her chest and turned onto his back so he could see them both. He seemed to be struggling to find a response. Sirius was appraising her with a hint of his wicked grin. It seemed to indicate he approved of her answer. His attention shifted to Remus. “You are going to have to get use to affirmation, Moony. I know it’s going to ruin your whole self deprecating werewolf thing but I’m not sure that is working out anyways since in addition to a quite dashing boyfriend, you also have a smoking hot girlfriend.”

Remus squeezed his eyes shut and pulled his hands to cover his face. Tonks wondered what the shade of red he had turned was called. Somehow knowing how embarrassed he felt in these intimate moments made her feel the slightest bit better. Like perhaps he would understand her fear if she was ever brave enough to admit it to him. 

“Ah ah ah! No hiding. You need to get up and appreciate how lucky you are Remus!” Sirius insisted, attempting to pull Remus’ hands away from his face. “We are going to start feeling unappreciated.”

Remus sat up hastily, favoring Sirius with an incredulous look. “I know you are joking but don’t. You have no idea how grateful I am. I’m still trying to figure out what the hell I ever did to deserve this… both of you.” He reached out a hand to each of them. “I know how lucky I am. Incredibly lucky…” He was breathing intensely and Tonks felt herself leaning toward him. She could feel a sense of urgency and a deep feeling that she thought must of felt sort of like falling into sunshine. Exhilarating and brilliant and somewhere in the back of your mind the knowledge that you might just get burnt to a crisp if you got to close. Too much of a good thing and all that. 

The moment was broken when Sirius launched himself forward onto Remus and licked his face. Remus made a disgusted noise from beneath him. Sirius just laughed and said, “You are taking yourself entirely too seriously.”

Tonks sat on the edge of the bed unsure of how to react. She had seen them both be playful before but not to this extent. She felt like she was intruding on something very private. She wondered if they had momentarily forgotten she was there. 

Remus struggled beneath Sirius unable to push him off completely. “Come on Sirius! Get off!” 

“Do you surrender?” Sirius asked cheekily. 

Remus sighed in a way that Tonks interpreted as analogous to an eyeroll. “We aren’t playing right now,” he insisted, making another attempt to shake Sirius off. “We have company.”

Sirius turned to look at Tonks and winked. Frustratingly she felt her face redden in response. “Tonks isn’t company. She sleeps here.”

Remus groaned. “Tonks, you may want to move. I need to teach this arrogant prat a lesson.” Sirius laughed and licked his face again, while Tonks slid off the bed. Remus flipped Sirius over in one fluid motion. The sight gave Tonks a slight shiver, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. He loomed above Sirius smuggly. “Surrender,” he demanded, his voice coming out gruff and commanding. 

It made Tonks’ hair stand on edge. She felt a brief bout of envy as she pictured herself in Sirius’ place. She realized she must have made some sort of noise as they were both now staring at her. 

Remus released Sirius and jolted off the bed. He took a step back to distance himself from them both. “Tonks, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. We were just messing about. I wouldn’t--” 

He was cut off by the sound of Sirius laughing. He moved to stand behind her, gently brushing his hands along her sides until he brought them to rest on her shoulders. “Remus that was not a gasp of fear.” She shivered as his breath tickled the back of her neck. He dropped his hands to her waist. “Was it?” She was suddenly very aware that she was only clad in Remus’ shirt. 

She looked across to Remus, willing him to understand that she would not and could not think of him as a monster. “Definitely not,”she whispered just loud enough that they could both hear her. 

Remus looked at her with a mixture of disbelief and hope. “I think she fancies you being on top of her, just like that,” Sirius suggested. His thumbs tracing the lines of her hips. She whimpered, unsure if she could trust herself to speak. “Is that what you want? You want Remus to hold you down?” He put a hand at the small of her back, gently guiding her toward Remus. 

She studied Remus’ face, expecting it to be flushed and flustered again but finding a combination of desire and confidence reflected back at her. He took her hands in his own.

Sirius positioned her between the two of them. “Or do you want to be in the middle?” 

If she had more oxygen making it to her brain, she would have appreciated how smoothly this transition had happened. “I’m not fussy, really,” she managed. 

Sirius let out a barking laugh as Remus closed the distance between them. All her fears were forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

Tonks spread her arms across the table, languishing in the feel of the cool wood on her face. A stack of liberally buttered toast and a cup of saccharine sweet tea sat on the table next to her, but for the moment she was content to lay sprawled atop the table. Despite the incredibly positive development in her personal life, her professional life still ground on. With the combination of her full time job as an Auror, multiple shifts a week on Order business and her new relationship status she hadn’t found much time for sleep lately. 

She had to bribe Dedalus with promises of half of her holiday treats from Molly to get him to trade shifts with her, but it was worth it. She had an entire day, twenty four hours, free. She couldn’t be sure when the last time such a thing had happened. 

She had come home after a late night watching over the entrance to the Department of Mysteries and opted for some breakfast before getting a full eight hours of sleep. It was early morning, much too early to expect either Remus or Sirius to be awake. She had tiptoed around the kitchen attempting to find something quick and easy to fill her stomach. She had sprung for a bowl of cereal first but she had tripped over her own feet and ended up with most of it down the front of her robes. A rather loud curse and one mediocre cleaning spell later, she settled on toast instead. But when she had finally gotten around to sitting down, she was so tired that she had flopped face first down onto the table for a moment of rest and was struggling to find the will to sit back up and actually eat the toast.

This was the first chance she’d truly had to be alone with her thoughts in a week and she found there were a lot of them, swirling about in her mind like, well perhaps not a tornado, but whatever one called a weaker, slightly less chaotic form of a tornado. 

When she stopped to consider it, she was pleased to find her relationship with Remus and Sirius had hardly changed all that much so far. Over the past week they had still cooked dinner together when they were able, still joked and shared stories, played cards and drank just like they had been doing for the last several months. The only real change was they just happened to have sex afterwards now. The thought brought a flush to her cheeks. 

In many ways it was more comfortable now than it had been before. It was a blessing really. She didn’t have to resist the powerful urge to touch Remus or worry that her joking with Sirius had finally gone too far. The uncomfortable distance she and Remus had struggled to maintain was no longer needed and she no longer feared Sirius’ dark accusatory looks. 

She could touch freely, flirt with abandon. She could fantasize without guilt and best of all, play out those fantasies each and every evening. She had never tried felix felicis but she imagined this must be what it felt like. After months of build up she worried nothing would live up to the explicit expectations in her head but she was in awe to find that they had instead been exceeded. Though she had never seriously contemplated being part of a triad, she was now wondering if this was the element that all her previous relationships lacked. 

She had a bad habit of getting caught up in the frenzy of a new relationship. She fell hard and fast, often making dumb decisons and rushing head first into commetments that in a few weeks time she’d struggle to keep. But with Remus and Sirius it was different. Remus was timid and in no rush to push anything. Sirius was somehow working as a counterbalance to her impulsivity, despite his own impetuous nature. Any time she thought of making some stupid grand romantic gesture or felt the urge to wax poetic about her feelings she stopped to contemplate the response she would get not only from Remus but Sirius too, and Sirius hardly seemed the sappy romantic type. When she paused to mull it over, nine times out of ten, she realized what an embarrassing and absurd idea it had been anyways. It forced her to slow down and really pay attention to her feelings and their feelings too. The end result so far seemed to be a more firm foundation for a relationship.

Tonks realized she must have drifted off to sleep when she heard someone calling her name. 

“Tonks? Tonks? Are you alright?” It was Remus.

She quickly sat up and tried to discreetly swipe a trickle of drool from the corner of her mouth. “Sorry, must have dozed off,” she answered. “Long day and a longer night.” Remus was standing at the other side of the table, looking mildly concerned. His bottom lip jutted out just a bit when he was concerned. She found it simultaneously adorable and seductive. 

A moment of utter quiet passed while he scrutinized her pile of untouched toast. “I meant to eat that,” she said, mostly to fill the silence. “I was just going to have a snack and then get a real night’s sleep. Or day’s rather, I suppose…” she was rambling but he could be so damn quite sometimes it was near unnerving. 

He approached her side of the table and picked up the plate of toast. “I’ll make you some real breakfast before you go to bed,” he said. He pointed at the tea with his free hand. “Do you want some fresh tea?”

She realized she was staring at him and was fairly certain her mouth was hanging open. “Er-- no. I’ll just heat it up,” she replied tapping it with her wand. “I’m real fussy about it and I don’t want to tell you how much sugar is in it.”

He smiled at her and turned toward the stove, depositing her soggy toast in the waste bin on his way. 

She sipped at her tea awkwardly, while she watched him summon eggs and bacon and all the other things he required to prepare breakfast. He seemed content to prepare things in silence so she watched his back as he began tossing things into the pan. Finally he spoke. “So you had hall duty last night?”

“Yeah, this night too but I traded Dedalus so I could actually have a day off. It’s been ages since I have had a whole day to relax.” 

She heard him sigh as he flipped the food in the pan. “Awful timing, but I’ll be out all day and most of the night too.” She was somewhat pleased to hear true disappointment in his voice, though it was accompanied by annoyance that their schedules were in such disarray. 

“Dumbledore has something for me today that... only I can do.” She knew this must mean it had something to do with the werewolves but she didn’t pry. Remus had enough grief over sharing the details in the Order meetings. She didn’t want to make him recount it an extra time just for her. “And,” he chuckled. “He has something that only Dedalus can do set for tonight so I’ve been pulled in to cover for him.”

“You’ve got to be joking,” she groaned. He turned to look at her so she would know he was serious. “Well I am not holding up my end of the bribe then,” she insisted with her arms crossed. “I told him I’d give him half my goods from Molly come Christmas to trade shifts and then he goes and gets out of it!” 

“You could give it to me instead,” he teased, turning back to the stove. 

“Oh no. Molly gives you nearly as much as she gives Harry so you’ve got plenty! I might need it to bribe someone else if I ever want another day off between now and then.” 

They returned to silence once more while Remus busied himself making plates and Tonks downed the rest of her tea. She fidgeted with empty mug in an attempt to ward off the urge to blurt something out to break the silence. 

Remus set a plate down in front of her and took the seat next to her. She watched as he neatly dissected his food into bite sizes. She grabbed her fork but hesitated to start eating. Instead she watched him, transfixed. She wanted him to speak so she wouldn’t have too. She was self conscious about what she said around him now. It was truly appalling. She wondered when the last time she had felt self conscious with anyone before Remus. It must have been her fifth year in Hogwarts, before she had learned the trick to getting people to like her was as easy as subtly reforming her physical features to their preference and making a few well timed jokes. 

Remus seemed content to eat in the silence that she was finding unbearable. After what Tonks thought felt like hours but was in reality mere minutes, he looked at her quizzically. “It’s not poisoned you know.” His voice was gentle. Playful even. Still she felt an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. 

“Oh,” she replied lamely, blushing. She quickly took several bites of egg and tried to smile, realizing too late to hide it that some of the egg had fallen off her fork and landed on her chest. “It’s err really good,” she stated, her voice taking on a strang shrill tone. He gave her a soft smile that she didn’t quite believe.

She attempted a few more bites and then blurted out, “Is it always going to be this awkward?”

Remus seemed startled. He set his fork down and stared at her. She noticed now he was blushing. “Is it -- is it awkward?”

Tonks gaped at him, unsure how to finish the conversation she started. 

“I admit, I didn’t realize it was awkward. I’m not even sure what is awkward.” he continued. He was quite a moment then, quietly added, “Did I do something wrong?”

Tonks reached out for his hand but then stopped, unsure if it would be welcomed. “No. No. You didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know what I even mean,” she said, sinking her forehead back down onto the table. She wondered if her voice was sounding as hysterical as she suspected. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.”

“No you feel uncomfortable and I don’t want to leave it like that,” he answered. “What is bothering you?” 

She lifted her head off the table wondering how the hell he was maintaining his sense of calm in the face of her bumbling ineptitude. Her face was hot and she couldn’t meet his eyes so she addressed her bacon resolutely. “I just don’t think I’m used to things going this, well... slow.” She snuck a peak at his face. His cheeks were as red as hers felt. “I feel like I must be doing something wrong or that it’s all off because we don’t… we haven’t… I mean besides with Sirius… we don’t touch...at all...” she trailed off, unable to finish the thought. She felt idotic, weak. 

He seemed unable to respond. She wondered if he was reconsidering their entire relationship. She felt the tension building while she willed him to speak. To say something, anything that would resolve the anxiety she was feeling. When he finally spoke, his voice had a strange shaky quality to it, “Please don’t think it’s because I don’t care about you. I’m trying. I just… it’s hard for me to believe it’s really okay for me to touch you.” 

She inhaled deeply, ready to launch into a rebuke but he held up a hand to stop her. “I know. I know you don’t care about my furry little problem,” he said the last words with bitterness. “It’s not you. It’s me.”

She couldn’t help herself. She replied, “You don’t seem to have trouble touching Sirius.” She immediately regretted the words, recognizing how childishly jealous they sounded. 

He smiled at her sadly, “It’s different with him. We’ve known each other since we were kids. I was used to touching him since we were kids, before it meant anything. Even back then and when we started… it’s never been easy for me to do. I guess I’ve just had more practice with him.” He paused, staring down at his half eaten breakfast. 

Slowly he extended his hand out across the table toward her, laying it palm up on the table. An offering. Gently she placed her own hand in his. He sighed. It made her want to cry. 

“I’m sorry if it’s hurting you,” He looked deeply into her eyes, “Don’t think it’s because I don’t care about you.” 

She felt her lip tremble. She nodded and laced her fingers with his. “Would it help if I initiate things? I mean if I touch you first? Maybe?” 

He was staring at their interlocked fingers. Something like awe on his face. “I’m-- I’m not sure,” he looked up at her again. “Worth a try.” he was smiling at her again. She felt the knot in her stomach dissolve and a rush of her usual confidence. He wanted her to touch him, something that came easily to her. 

A sudden whim took her and she dipped the tips of her fingers from her free hand into her plate. With a mischievous smile replied, “Good, because you have some egg on your face.” Swiftly she reached over and smeared the egg on her fingers across his cheek. 

Startled he dropped her hand and moved to wipe off his face but she grabbed his hand to stop him. “No, let me get it.” Before he could protest she slipped off her seat and onto his lap, licking the egg mess off his cheek. His first instinct was to flinch but he recovered quickly, moving to wrap his arms around her back to keep her from slipping off his lap. 

She pulled back from his face, just a few inches, hovering her mouth in front of his, looking for a sign of approval. She saw fear and desire dancing in his eyes. The edges of his lips turned up in a brush of a smile. It was all she needed. She closed the distance between them, gently opening his mouth with her tongue. 

They embraced for several moments. She kept things slower and more chaste than was her norm but she didn’t want to push him too far. He was hesitant at first but soon she felt his arms tighten around her, pulling her closer to him. His mouth relaxed beneath her own and his hands began to roam toward the edge of her shirt. 

A low moan escaped Tonks’ throat. Remus jolted forward at the sound, knocking her back into the table. He pulled away, apologizing profusely. “I’m so sorry Tonks. I didn’t--” 

She pressed her hand to his lips and repressed a sigh. Frustrated by the interruption. “It’s fine. I’m okay. Don’t worry about me,” she replied sliding off his lap and returning to her own seat. Despite her disappointment she was feeling much better about the whole situation. She realized that she had harbored a deep fear that Remus had found her physically unsatisfying, but sitting in his lap and snogging him for several minutes had alleviated that particular fear. 

“Your food is cold,” he announced. He looked put out and she smuggly reassured herself it was because he hadn’t wanted to stop their encounter. 

She smiled and gave him a wink, tapping her plate with her wand again. “Worth it.” He returned her smile and rubbed the back of his head shyly. 

They finished their breakfast in a companionable silence, sharing brief glances and grins. Tonks felt a large weight had been lifted from her chest. 

Remus rose and collected their empty plates, “You probably want some real sleep now.”

She stifled a yawn and replied, “No it’s fine. If you’ll be gone all day, I’d rather stay up with you.”

He deposited the dirty dishes in the sink and turned to address her. “Actually I have to be on my way.” He looked remorseful. She nodded, trying not to look too upset. Remus offered her his arm, “I’ll walk you to the stairs.”

She stood and linked her arm with his, remembering the morning months ago when they had patrolled the park arm in arm. “So gentlemanly,” she teased. 

“I have to make up for Sirius total lack of manners,” he replied jokingly as they moved out to the hallway. 

At the stairs he released her arm but didn’t turn to leave. She hesitated for a moment and then took both of his hands and leaned up to kiss him goodbye. “Stay safe.”

He gazed into her eyes for a brief turn, then pulled her close to his chest, hugging her tightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered. 

“Tomorrow,” she whispered back.


	3. Chapter 3

All traces of sunlight had fled from the edges of the window’s blinds by the time Tonks awoke. She stretched gingerly, wondering just how long she had slept. She relished the feeling of lingering in bed, a luxury she hadn’t enjoyed in months. 

“Awake finally?” 

Tonks was so startled by Sirius that she nearly fell out of the bed. She let out a short scream and waved her arms about stupidly, barely managing to grab the headboard to keep from falling. He had still been asleep, buried in the blankets with only the wild tangle of his dark hair sticking out, when she had finally slipped into bed herself but she had expected him to have been up for several hours by this point. 

Once she regained her balance and composure she gave him a glare. He was sitting up in bed, watching her with his cocky half grin. “I’ve been waiting for you to get up for hours now.” 

“Were you watching me sleep that entire time?” She asked. “Not sure if I should be flattered or disturbed.” She stuck out her tongue to show she was teasing. 

He raised his arm, revealing a book, his hand still holding open the page he had been reading. “Don’t flatter yourself too much. It was only for the past hour once this book became unbearably boring.” 

She attempted to hit him in the face with her pillow but he intercepted it and bopped her in the face instead before tossing it to the foot of the bed. “Come on, get up. I’m hungry.”

“Did you seriously wait for me to wake up to cook for you?” She could not believe his audacity. 

“Merlin no. I know better than to leave you in the kitchen unattended. I just didn’t want to have to cook twice.” He waved his finger to emphasize his point. 

Tonks gave an exaggerated sigh and flopped back onto the bed. She stole his pillow to replace her own. “It’s my one day off, maybe for the rest of the year. You should be serving me breakfast in bed,” she pouted. 

He pulled the pillow from beneath her head. “I think you are mistaking me for Remus.” He leaned in close, his face hovering a few inches from her own, lowering his voice. “I’m much less of a gentleman.” He was smirking again.

She felt a rush of heat in her cheeks and decided to roll out of the bed before Sirius got any closer. She couldn’t explain why, but his forwardness had her feeling uncomfortable. It was a different sort of tension than she’d felt earlier with Remus. 

She glanced back at him to judge the impact of her rejection but he seemed unphased. He rolled out the other side of the bed. She suddenly felt very self conscious when she realized that neither of them were wearing any clothes. It was foolish, really. They had seen each other naked many times by this point, but there was something different, something off about it happening without Remus in the room. 

He noticed her staring and smiled obnoxiously. “It’s just us here. We could forgo the clothes if you want,” his tone was nonchalant. 

Tonks looked away hurriedly and mumbled something about the cold and unexpected visitors. She ripped open her drawer a bit too hastily and sifted through her clothes, which she assumed Remus had neatly fold and put away for her, looking for something comfortable. 

She was relieved to see Sirius was fully clothed when she turned back to address him. He seemed to be finding her shyness amusing. He let his hand linger as he put it on her shoulder to steer her out the door and across the landing. 

The kitchen was a bit cleaner than when she and Remus had left it earlier in the morning. The only proof that Kreacher was still alive and roaming the halls. She preferred it when he did cleaning while they were sleeping. She found the old house elf to be very creepy. She also tired pretty quickly from his rude ramblings about her “dirty blood” and could hardly stand to hear the things he said about Remus. 

Sirius was busy rummaging through the pantry. She opened the fridge just to have something to do while he decided what to make. She was content to let him make the decision since he would be doing most of the actual cooking. 

“I guess it’s pasta again,” he announced from within the pantry. Even though his voice was muffled she could hear the disdain. He emerged holding a bag of noodles and a jar of Molly’s homemade sauce. “Since you moved in, Molly hasn’t bothered with bringing much in the way of groceries and it’s not like I can go to the store or the bank for that matter.” He sat the jar and bag on the counter, giving them a dirty look. 

“Sorry I haven’t had much time to pick anything up,” she replied. He waved at her disregarding her comment. 

“You and Remus both. It’s fine. We’ll make due. At least if we have to eat the same thing all week it’s something Molly made.” 

They prepped dinner in their usual companionable silence. At this point it was almost a ritual. The awkwardness she had felt up in their bedroom seemed to have disappeared now that they were fully clothed and working on something as mundane as cooking dinner. 

She was compiling a shopping list in her head when Sirius interrupted her by flinging some errant sauce at her face. She wiped the lukewarm sauce off her face with a disgusted gasp and rubbed it on his shirt. He only laughed in response. She was sure he was doing it merely to annoy her. 

“It’s ready,” he said motioning to the table with his head while he directed the pot of pasta to the table with his wand. 

“You could have just said,” she grumbled as she took a seat at the table.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he asked cherrily. It sounded like a genuine question instead of sarcasm. 

She pretended to roll her eyes and began banging her silverware on the table impatiently. 

Sirius scooped each of them a generous helping of pasta before grabbing a chair from the other side of the table and dragging it next to her own. He was so close they were nearly bumping elbows. 

She watched as he shovelled down his food. Small flecks of sauce peppering the table around his plate. He reached for another serving before she was even three bites into her own. He noticed her watching him. “As enrapturing as watching me eat or do, well really anything, is, your food is going to get cold.”

“You and Remus are such opposites,” she suddenly said. 

Sirius snorted and shrugged. “Well opposites attract and all that.” He took another bite, contemplating her comment. “Isn’t that good for you? You get the best of both.”

She gazed at him, unsure how to respond. Instead she quickly finished the last few morsels on her plate.

He ran his finger across the plate to get the last bits of sauce and then sucked on his finger. “You get responsible, polite and thoughtful Remus and my roguish good looks, wit and fun. Seems like a win-win to me.” He stacked their plates and pushed them to the side. “Seems to me,” he continued, taking her hand and laying a kiss on her forearm. “You are a very lucky girl.” 

Tonks felt a chill creep across her back. She shook herself and stood up grabbing the pot of leftover pasta and moved toward the fridge. “I’m not complaining,” she replied in a sing song voice she hoped hid her nervousness. 

Sirius took their dirty dishes to the sink for rinsing. “Anyways, what shall we do tonight?”

“Uh the usual,” she replied retreating from the fridge with two bottles of beer. She offered one to Sirius who took it with a smile. “Cards, alcohol, lewd jokes.” 

Sirius popped off the cap and took a sip. “It gets a bit boring after a while. It’s probably relaxing for you two but it’s the only thing I do all day.” 

Tonks took a sip of her own beer. “Hmm I should get you one of those muggle tvs. My dad has a few he’s fixed to run on magic. We could watch movies then.” Sirius didn’t look too enthused about the idea. “Actually there is a wizarding news channel now. It’s not just on the wireless. Might be nice not having to wait around for the newspaper…” 

“Sure. But what do we do tonight?” he asked, waving his hand at her. “We are without this tv tonight.” 

She shrugged. He just started dejectedly past her. She was about to suggest that they try to find something entertaining in the library when he loudly set his beer down on the counter and strode across the kitchen towards the hall. “I have an idea, if the old bat kept it…” 

She set her own beverage down and followed him out the hall and up the stairs. 

“I used to have an old record player that Lily enchanted for me to play on magic. If it’s still here it’ll be up in the attic, I think.”

Tonks appraised the attic to be a horrific mess, and that was saying something considering how lax her own standards were. As she followed Sirius carefully through piles of broken furniture, stacks of moldy papers and half filled boxes of disorganized junk she had the sneaking suspicion that the Weasley children must have found the attic to be the most convenient place to shove anything they thought they could get away with hiding before Molly found it and or insisted they clean it. Her suspicion was confirmed when she spied a box filled with the leftover remains of some of the twins snack box experiments. The side of the box was covered in red splotches that looked suspiciously like blood. She suddenly had second thoughts about smuggling them ingredients.

“Try not to touch anything,” Sirius called out from the far side of the room. “Half of it’s probably cursed.” 

Now he tells me. Tonks thought as she stopped in the middle of the room, feeling it was probably safer for her to remain stationary. 

“Here it is,” she could hear the excitement in his voice. “And even all the records too. Can’t believe the harpy kept it.” He turned to her holding the box of records under his arm, sporting a wide smile. “I mostly started listening to records just because I knew it pissed her off. She hated anything muggle related.”   
Tonks was concentrating very hard to not stumble into anything but managed a nod. Sirius looked as if he was holding back laughter as he pointed his wand to either side of her. All the clutter around her moved back about six inches. “Why didn’t you just do that?” he asked, failing to hide the amusement in his eyes. 

She felt herself blush and was thankful the lighting in the attic was so dim. “Figured it was good practice for the field,” she lied. “You can’t just go moving objects around at a crime scene you know.” She could kick herself for being such a ditz but she’d been so worried about knocking something over she hadn’t even thought to pull her wand out. 

“Sure,” he said with a wink, handing her the box of records so he could pick up the record player. 

She grabbed the box and retreated back out of attic, fuming to herself. Smooth. Sirius probably thought she was an awkward idiot. She found him very hard to read, since he rarely took anything seriously. It was frustrating to feel so insecure, but Sirius was always so suave. Nothing ever seemed to phase him. He reminded her of the kind of people who use to tease her early on in Hogwarts before she had really started to get the hang of managing people. 

She shook herself. No, Sirius was suppose to be the easy one, compared to Remus. He was exactly the type she usually fell for and she knew how to impress people like him. Or at least she thought she did, but the past week had had her double guessing just about every move she made. She was terrified to disappoint either Sirius or Remus and at the same time she felt sure that any attempt to simply “give them what they wanted” would be too obvious. She had never dated anyone she had known well beforehand and she struggled to think of anyone who knew her half as well as either of them had come to know her over the past few months. All her normal strategies wouldn’t work. 

By the time they had made it into the parlor all the confidence she had regained from her encounter with Remus earlier that morning had slipped away and she was sure that Sirius must have been silently judging her the entire way down from the attic. 

Sirius moved across the room and cleared an ugly yellow vase filled with decaying flowers off an end table to make room for the record player. He was whistling cheerfully as he used his wand to blow the dust off of it. Tonks was standing awkwardly in the doorway holding the box of records. 

“What are you waiting for?” he asked. 

“Oh. Sorry.” She crossed the room to deposit the box of records on the floor next to him. He grabbed her hand as she attempted to retreat to the sofa. 

Sirius gave her a quizzical look. “Don’t you want to go on this journey of nostalgic bliss with me?” He released her hand to begin thumbing through the box of records. “Wow I think they are all here and in good condition.”

He continued sorting through the box, making comments like “Lily really loved this one” and “This was James’ favorite”. She watched him in a detached sort of way, unsure what to do with herself. She found relief in his distraction. If he was engrossed in his records he wouldn’t be paying attention to any of the embarrassing things she might do or say. 

“Remus is going to be thrilled we found all these,” he assured her. “Ah okay this one first.” He slid one of the records out of its sheath and delicately placed it in the player. Even though she was feeling so self conscious, it was nice to see Sirius so excited about something. He seemed genuinely happy in a way he rarely ever did without sex or alcohol being involved. He gently placed the needle and the room filled with rock music that Tonks didn’t recognize. 

He stood up, pumping his fist in the air. “Yes, fucking pristine!” He noticed her still sitting on the floor and offered her his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet. “Muggles make much better music than we do. Damn masterpieces,” he said, tapping his hand on his thigh to the beat. 

Tonks smiled weakly. She wished she wasn’t in such a foul mood but she worried anything she could think of to respond with would sound trite. 

“All right what’s wrong with you?” Sirius asked. She looked up at him. “And don’t give me any bullshit about it being nothing. You’ve been moping since we were up in the attic.”

“I’m not moping,” she insisted. 

“You know I have lived with Remus for the past six months. I know moping when I see it,” he replied. 

She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to come up with an excuse but before she could think of anything he scoffed. “Ugh the two of you are disgusting. I’m sorry you’ve only got me tonight but he’ll be back in less than twelve hours. Honestly I don’t even brood as much as the two of you when you are apart and I spend most of my time alone stuck in this hell hole.” 

She realized that he must have thought she was pouting because Remus was working all day and late into the night. Sirius turned his back to her, his arms crossed. She felt like a prat. Of course he’d jump to that conclusion. She didn’t blame him for being upset. He probably felt like she was only there out of pity, taking him as her second choice because Remus was unavailable. 

“Sirius, it’s not that,” she reassured him, putting a hand on his shoulder, hoping he would turn to face her.

“Sure,” he replied shrugging off her arm and moving to take a seat on the sofa. She followed him to the sofa and quietly sat next to him. He didn’t move but his glee from rediscovering his music collection had evaporated, replaced with a moody silence. 

“I know you’d rather be with Remus, but you could at least pretend like you want to spend time with me,” he said. “It’s not exactly my first choice to be stuck here in this house all the time.” 

She felt tears prickling at the corner of her eyes and felt a pang of irrational anger when she thought about how frustrating it was that any strong emotion brought on tears for her. “It’s really not that. I like spending time with you too, not just Remus.” 

She could tell by the way his jaw was jutted that he didn’t believe her. She entwined her arm with his. “I don’t want to tell you why I was moping. You’ll think it’s stupid.”

He turned to look at her. His eyes swiftly taking in her face, as if he were reading her like a page of a book. “Try me.” 

She looked away feeling her face grow hot. “It’s embarrassing… and emotional…”

“And nothing to do with Remus?” he asked skeptically. 

She put her free hand to her face. It went against every romantic instinct she’d ever had to admit to him that she was worried that he thought her annoying and dumb. Her whole persona was based around confidence and being easy going. To admit her neurosis now would ruin the carefully crafted version of herself she’d been putting forward for him. Would he even want her if he knew that all that had been a sham? Would Remus? 

She felt him tap his leg impatiently as one song ended and another began. She imagined his eyes must be boring into her, trying to find an answer to his question. 

“Please don’t laugh at me,” she squeaked from behind her hand. She felt him relax beside her. Gently he moved her hand away from her face. 

“Why would I laugh?” he asked. His voice barely loud enough to hear over the music still playing in the background. 

She took a deep breath and launched into an explanation before she could think better of it. “Upstairs when you asked me why I hadn’t just moved things out of the way with a spell, well it was so dumb I didn’t think of that and I have just been thinking that you must think I’m a stupid ditz and I can’t think of a single thing to say or do that wouldn’t reinforce that idea.” She said the whole thing so fast and in an embarrassingly high voice she wasn’t even sure if Sirius had understood a word of it. 

To her horror, he did indeed laugh. “What? Tonks that’s incredibly stupid,” he replied once he stopped laughing. 

“Oh,” was all she could manage. She stood up, thinking perhaps it would be best to just dash out of the room, but he pulled her back down onto the couch, wrapping his arms around her tightly. 

“Sometimes I forget how young you are,” he said nuzzling her neck. 

She was trying to make sense of his words and actions. Her stomach was rolling and she was afraid she was going to cry or vomit. “What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, giving up her attempt at escape and laying limp against his chest. 

“To be fair, I suppose it’s not just an age thing. Remus can be just as thick,” he replied, loosening his grasp on her to allow her to move away from him but keeping his hand around her wrist so she couldn’t flee. “If I didn’t like you, you would know,” he replied. “I definitely wouldn’t let you shag my boyfriend.” 

She stared at him blankly. His face broke into a wide grin. “This is actually kind of cute.”

That finally shook her senses back. “What the hell kind of response is this?” she shouted, batting at his chest. 

“You are worried I don’t like you. I am reassuring you that I do,” he replied, catching her hand. “Holy Merlin, I’m even using words to do it. Let that be an assurance of just how much I like you.” 

Tonks couldn’t be sure of just what all she was feeling but at this exclamation she began to giggle uncontrollably. Sirius just smiled at her and for once it wasn’t cheeky or smug. “Glad I could reassure you,” he replied, standing and pulling her to her feet. “Now let’s dance.”

Suddenly she felt light and unburdened. She hopped around the room, thrashing in time to the music, laughing wildly. Sirius joined her, singing along to the song. He threw out his hand to her and she took it, twirling around happily. 

They kept on dancing spastically around the room for several more upbeat songs, before a slower tempoed song came on. Tonks slowed down, glad for a breather. She felt significantly better after confessing her insecurity to Sirius. His response had been unexpected but seemed to have been exactly what she needed. That he had joined in her enthusiastic dancing afterward only added to her reassurance that he did indeed like the true her. She doubted anyone would put up with her obnoxiously rowdy dancing and terrible attempts to learn new lyrics by belting them out on delay, if they didn’t truly like her. 

She turned to notice Sirius was much closer. He had stopped singing along and was instead staring intensely at her. She gave him a bright smile. He smiled back and licked his lips before suddenly springing toward her. Before she realized what was happening he was kissing her roughly. His tongue darted deeply into her mouth and he grasped her lower lip in his teeth. 

He backed her up against the sofa, shoving her down and crawling on top of her without missing a beat. She was kissing him back just as roughly, sinking her fingernails into his scalp before wrapping her fingers in his dark hair and pulling. 

When he broke off to take in air he was panting. She looked at him startled. “I knew you liked it rough,” he said in a husky voice. “I can be rougher than Remus,” he continued. “I don’t have to worry about breaking you.” 

She didn’t think she had enough oxygen left in her brain to form a vocalized response so instead she snaked her hands under his shirt and then ran her fingernails sharply down his back. He moaned in response and ripped open the front of her blouse to place a bite at the top of her breast. 

She felt his hand deftly unbuttoning her pants and slip beneath her knickers. 

“Wait,” she managed to cry out. 

Sirius looked up at her questioningly but didn’t remove his hand from within her pants. “What?” he asked breathlessly. “Did I bite too hard?” 

She swallowed hard to muffle a groan. She was keenly aware of all the places their bodies were touching, especially where his fingers rested so close to her most sensitive area. “No,” she whispered breathing hard. “No that was great. Just, should we be doing this? Right now?” 

Sirius removed his hand so he could push himself up to get a better look at her face. “No time like the present?” he replied confused. 

She took in a slow breath torn between an aching need to continue and a creeping sense of guilt to be going so far without Remus. “I mean without Remus.”

Sirius sighed. “Well he’s not here at the moment.”

“Right. That’s my point,” she replied, pushing herself into a sitting position. Sirius reluctantly slid off her to allow her the space to move. “We haven’t really talked about rules or anything. I mean would he be okay with us being together without him?” she elaborated.   
Sirius was once again tapping his leg. His voice had an edge of frustration to it when he replied, “We don’t hold off because you aren’t home. Or at least we haven’t said we would. I guess it hasn’t actually come up yet.”

Tonks tried to stay still unsure how to proceed. She knew it would probably be best for the three of them to talk about it before anything else happened, but she swore that she could still feel Sirius’ urgent lips on her skin. It was uncomfortably hot and she couldn’t quite stop from fidgeting. 

He scooted closer to her again, tracing a teasing path down her arm. She could feel his breath on the top of her breasts, her shirt still unbuttoned. “Didn’t you spend some time with him this morning?” he mumbled before putting his lips to the base of her neck. 

“He made me breakfast,” she replied, suppressing a shudder. 

“And?” Sirius asked suggestively trailing kisses up her neck. 

“And I kissed him chastely like a proper lady.” 

Sirius pulled back. “That’s it?” When she didn’t answer he continued. “Fucking prat. I thought since the three of us have already shagged, he wouldn’t hold back.” 

Tonks turned to look at him. “He’s like a different person when you are in the room. You inspire confidence for him I guess.” 

Sirius moved his hands to her waist, trying to ease her forward toward him. “Even more reason we shouldn’t stop. I wouldn’t want to leave you without relief.” 

A strained noise escaped her lips and Sirius smirked. He played with the bottom edge of her shirt, slowly shimmying it up. She placed her hands on top of his to stop him. “Don’t you think we should talk about it with him first?” 

He pushed her back down on the couch, pressing his arousal against her. “Personally I think he had his chance this morning and it’s his loss he didn’t do anything about it.” Then he kissed her hard again, pausing only long enough to pull her shirt over her head. She was too far gone to argue, pushing back against him and fumbling with the button on his pants.


	4. Chapter 4

It was still a few hours before daylight when Remus finally trudged up the steps to Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Wearily, he hung up his cloak and slipped off his worn shoes. It had been a very long day with little to show for it. As he had insisted with both Dumbledore and Moody several times before, it was near impossible for him to make any headway with other werewolves since he had a reputation for trying to assimilate into wizarding culture and was a known associate of Dumbledore. He had spent most of the day trying to track down some updated news about the pack movements but he had been unable to find out anything that the Order members in the Aurors hadn’t already known. Then he’d had six long hours watching that damnable corridor in the Department of Mysteries again. 

With a heavy sigh he headed toward the kitchen hoping Sirius had left him some leftovers from dinner. Sirius was at the table nursing a glass of liquor and reading a copy of the newest Quibbler with an amused expression. He’d found the magazine hilarious ever since Kingsley had shown him the issue with the article proclaiming both his innocence and secret identity as a pop star. “This shit is a riot!” he exclaimed tossing the magazine down. “They’ve got a do it yourself article about denoming that says all you have to do is give the buggers single malt whiskey and they’ll be so offended they will just move out of your garden. I sincerely hope some poor saps tried it. I’m sure it was priceless.” 

Remus moved past him straight to the fridge. He hoped food would improve his mood. He nearly cheered when he found the pot of leftover pasta. He hadn’t had time to find a proper meal between his werewolf mission and guard duty. 

Once he had served himself up a bowl and reheated it with a quick charm he joined Sirius at the table. Sirius pushed the rest of his glass toward Remus. “Seems like you could use it.”

“I’ll just stick to water,” he said between bites. 

“Suit yourself,” Sirius replied, downing the rest of the glass and refilling it with water from his wand before pushing it back to Remus. 

Remus was starting to feel human again now that his stomach was no longer empty. “Where’s Tonks?” he asked in a tone he hoped sounded casual. 

“Asleep. She’s got work tomorrow.” Sirius said stretching his hands behind his head. “Besides I think I wore her out.” At this Remus stopped chewing but Sirius hadn’t seemed to notice. “Oh and we found my old record player. You know the one Lily gave me? I can’t believe dear old mum kept it. Even all my records.” 

“Had a good night then?” Remus asked trying to keep his voice steady. 

Sirius must have noticed something off because he frowned at him. “I thought you’d be excited to know we found it.”  
“Yeah it’s great,” he replied too fast. 

“Rough day?” Sirius asked. 

“What else did you do?” Remus countered.

“We listened to a bunch of records and danced for a bit. Then we ended up messing around and well once we got going, she’s a bit insatiable really.”

Remus swallowed hard. He could hardly believe Sirius was so casually bragging about shagging Tonks all night while he was out on Order business. He felt himself breathing hard and noticed his hands were shaking. 

“Are you going to eat the rest of that? I’m actually kind of hungry again,” Sirius asked, failing to notice the anger and hurt Remus was experiencing. He reached out to grab Remus’ bowl and Remus slapped his hand. “What the fuck Moony? You could just tell me no.”

“I’m not mad about the fucking pasta,” he hissed. 

Sirius finally seemed to notice that he was seething and put a bit more distance between them. “Well what’s wrong then?”

Remus realized that Sirius had no idea he had done anything out of line. He didn’t know how to explain to him what had upset him. Especially when he stopped to consider that both Sirius and Tonks took sex much more casually than he ever could. They probably hadn’t even considered that it would upset him to know that they had been together without him. For them it was probably just a fun way to spend the evening. 

Sirius seemed to come to a similar revelation because he suddenly replied, “Wait, are you mad that Tonks and I shagged without you?” Remus felt his face burn red hot. “Come on Remus. It’s not like you didn’t have your own chance this morning.” 

“What?” he sputtered. 

“She said you made her breakfast and she gave you a nice kiss,” Sirius teased. 

“Just because I didn’t take advantage of her after breakfast doesn’t mean --”

“Oh please. You can’t take advantage of the willing. You left her gagging for it.”

Remus was so angry he couldn’t find the words to reply. 

“Moony just because you have some weird hang up about shagging your totally hot and willing girlfriend doesn’t mean that everyone else has to abstain --”

“Sirius! This isn’t about what I didn’t do with her. It’s about you not keeping it in your pants long enough for us to have a conversation about--”

“What is there to talk about? We are all dating and consenting. I don’t see any reason why we shouldn’t be able to enjoy ourselves just because you are at work. I mean you and I wouldn’t hold off because she’s not home,” Sirius replied hotly.

“You don’t get to make the decisions for everyone! It’s a relationship! That’s why we should have talked about it first!” Remus realized he was now standing and shouting at Sirius who was still calmly seated and speaking at a normal volume. He felt slightly ashamed to find he was the one being overly emotional but his righteous indignity would not allow him to stop what he had started.

“What’s going on?” Tonks asked groggily from the doorway. She had her wand drawn but was holding it limply at her side. “I heard shouting.”

Remus and Sirius both looked to the doorway. Remus felt himself pale. He couldn’t believe he’d gotten so worked up he’d woken Tonks up. 

“Remus is just having a hissy fit,” Sirius replied lazily. 

Tonks looked to Remus standing in the middle of the room and put a hand up to her mouth. “Oh Remus are you upset about us being together while you were out? Sirius! I told you we should have talked about it first.”

Remus glared at Sirius smuggly.

“Well fuck. Let’s just talk about it now then I guess,” he threw up his hands. “I really didn’t think this would be such a big deal. How can you cheat on or with people you are already in a relationship with?” 

“That’s not the point!” Remus threw out angrily. “The point is we should have talked about it instead of you just making the decision for all of us!” 

“No the point is you are just jealous that I’m not afraid to fuck Tonks by myself,” Sirius threw back, his voice finally getting heated. 

“Woah! That was out of line Sirius!” Tonks replied moving further into the room. She had put her wand away but now seemed much more awake. 

“Maybe, but doesn’t make it any less true,” he scowled at Remus. “He’s just pissed off that he’s got all this guilt about wanting you. He thinks he’s a dirty monster and being with you is going to ruin you somehow.” 

Remus took a step toward him, opening his mouth to retort but Sirius cut him off. “And he’s trying to make me feel bad for touching you because he doesn’t want to deal with his stupid fucking werewolf hang up. Not to mention he doesn’t seem to give a shit when it comes to being with me. Guess I’m already fucked up past saving. No way to possibly ruin me any further.”

Tonks’ face was a mask of agony. She moved forward until she was between the two of them, a hand raised slightly in each direction, as if she was certain she’d have to shove them off one another at any moment. 

Remus deflated. He felt like Sirius had just slapped him across the face. He stumbled backwards into the chair, facing the full truth of Sirius’ words. 

“Sirius, that was too harsh,” Tonks whispered. Sirius was still staring hard at Remus as if challenging him to deny it. 

“No Tonks. He’s right,” Remus muttered, barely audible. She turned to him with a look of concern. 

“Yes I’m fucking right,” Sirius replied, his voice loosing its sharp edge. “Now what are you going to do about it?” 

Remus put his face in his hands to hide the tears that were sliding down his cheeks. “Sirius, I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I don’t think you are ruined.” He looked up at him, allowing him to see his watery eyes. He turned to Tonks, “And he’s right. I know it’s not true but I feel like I’m too damaged for you Tonks. I don’t want to ruin your life. Being in love with me is never going to be easy.”

“Now who is trying to make decisions for all of us?” She challenged. “You don’t get to decide what I want Remus. I love you and I don’t give a fuck who knows it.” 

She walked up to him and pulled him to his feet by the front of his shirt. Then she kissed him, hard. He didn’t participate but also didn’t pull away. When she let go she said, “I want you to touch me. I want you to fuck me.” 

She took his hand and led him across to Sirius, pulling him up with her other hand. “I want Sirius too. Both of you, whenever I can have you.” 

Sirius was looking smug. “You already know how I feel about it.”

“So how about you Remus?” she asked. “Are you comfortable with that or do you need it to only be when it’s all three of us for now?”

He looked from her to Sirius wondering how he could be so fucking thick. He didn’t know how many times or how many ways they had to tell him that they wanted him before he would truly believe it or feel that he deserved it. He found he could no longer be mad at either of them now that Sirius had called him out and Tonks had so easily moved them past it. “No Sirius is right. It shouldn’t matter. We are all together. If one of us is out it shouldn’t stop the other two from anything.” 

She smiled brightly and pulled their hands together, “Great! Now kiss and make up!” 

Sirius pulled Remus close and kissed him deeply. “I suppose I could have said it nicer,” he admitted. Remus recognized that for Sirius this was as good as an apology. 

“I’m sorry I was a jealous arse,” Remus mumbled. Sirius rolled his eyes and kissed him again. 

Remus reached out and took Tonks’ hand. “I promise I’m trying but it might take me a while still.” He kissed her hand. She huffed and pulled him in for another kiss. This time he responded, pulling her closer. 

“Well,” she said when they broke apart. “Since we are all here, and I’m already up…”

“Lead the way!” Sirius barked. 

She winked and took them both by the hand, pulling them towards the bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

“Here. This is how you change the channels,” Tonks explained handing Sirius the television remote. “Just press this button here. It should pick up all the muggle channels and if you press this one,” she indicated an orange triangular button. “That will take you to the wizarding news. And don’t worry it’s all independent, none of the Ministry’s garbage.” 

Sirius gave the button an experimental push, watching with something as close to awe as Sirius ever displayed, as the pictures on the screen changed. “Wow. Huh muggles.”

“Yeah they come up with some pretty fun stuff. Channel 10 usually has movies. There better if you watch them from the start though.” Tonks replied. “Should keep you busy while you are here alone.” 

“Something new at least,” he said with a shrug, still occupied with switching through the channels. 

Remus entered the room looking bleary eyed and disheveled. His hair was sticking up in all sorts of odd angles and Tonks was sure he had been wearing the same clothes yesterday morning. 

“You’re up late, “ Sirius commentend still intent on the tv screen. 

Remus gave a grunt as a response and slid onto the couch. Tonks approached him and fussed with his hair. “You’re hair is starting to look like Harry’s,” she joked. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. 

She smiled at his reaction and decided to take a chance. She sat down on the couch next to him offering her arms out to him. He gave her a small smile and eased himself down into her arms, resting his face against her chest. 

She began idly running her fingers through his hair, enjoying the closeness. It had been a few days since the argument in the kitchen and she could tell he was really trying to get more comfortable around her. Though he had yet to initiate more than some shy hand holding and a few hugs, he was more receptive to her when she engaged him.

Thinking back, at the time she had been horrified that Sirius was going to ruin the whole thing but as harsh as his words were that night, Remus seemed to have taken them to heart. There hadn’t been any additional fighting since and as far as she could tell there was no hint of bitterness or jealousy between the two of them. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by Sirius flopping down on the couch beside them. “Will it mess it up if I make the screen bigger? It’s kind of hard to see from back here.”

She noticed Remus had fallen asleep against her. “What was he doing yesterday?” she asked, concerned.

Sirius finally looked away from the tv to observe Remus passed out, face buried in Tonks’ cleavage. He chuckled lightly, “I’m not sure but he sure looks comfortable. Do I get a turn next?” 

Tonks rolled her eyes, unable to swat at Sirius without disturbing Remus. “Really though, he’s usually up before either of us and he looks like he didn’t even get undressed when he got home last night.” 

“You know he doesn’t like talking about the shit Dumbledore assigns him. He’s probably fine. The full moon is in a few days so he’s probably just extra tired,” Sirius replied, squinting at the screen again. “But seriously can I enlarge it?”

“Yes it should be fine,” Tonks replied. She sighed. “I’m going to have to get ready for work soon, but he looks so peaceful I don’t want to move him.” 

“Who wouldn’t be peaceful nestled in your ample bosom. Actually they look particularly ample today. Did you make them bigger just for him to lay on?” Sirius teased her, taking an exaggerated look at her chest. 

Tonks blushed. “Not intentionally.” 

“Wait, that can happen unintentionally?” Sirius seemed genuinely interested. 

“Err sometimes. It’s hard to explain.” She didn’t particularly want to go into explaining the ins and outs of her metamorphmagus abilities. It usually inevitably lead to awkward questions, particularly with romantic partners. 

Sirius turned the tv off and sat staring at her, waiting for her to continue. 

“I can change my appearance and err shape at will but it can also happen subconsciously. I mean it’s usually subtle but sometimes I don’t really notice until someone says something or I check the mirror.” She was staring down at Remus’ sleeping form, avoiding eye contact with Sirius. “It’s why I still have to take poly juice if I want to impersonate someone for more than a few minutes. Inevitably I always sort of shift a bit without even noticing once I’m not fully concentrated on it.” 

“Fascinating,” Sirius replied with a hint of a grin. “So you're saying subconsciously, you wanted your tits to be bigger in order to provide poor Remus with the best sleeping comfort?” 

Tonks pursed her lips. She supposed she should be thankful that Sirius hadn’t said something worse.   
“Merlin how did he, and by extension me, get so lucky? And he isn’t even awake to enjoy it.” 

“You aren’t going to get weird about this are you?” Tonks asked flatly.

“Of course not. Unless by weird you mean kinky, because I’ve definitely got some ideas. Do you take requests?” Sirius replied, squeezing her shoulders. When she didn’t respond he leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “I’m teasing you, love.” 

She shook her head to push him back. “Alright but really, I need to go. What should I do about Remus?”

“Well I’m probably not nearly as comfortable but I suppose he can sleep in my lap.” 

Gently she lifted Remus’ head and shoulders off of her chest and scooted off the couch so Sirius could take her place. He pulled Remus’ head down into his lap. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him,” he said seriously. 

She nodded. “Alright, I’ll see you two tonight then.” 

Sirius returned her nod, grabbing the remote to turn the TV back on. “Sure. And thanks for the tv.”

The work day went by excruciatingly slow. Due to her public support of Dumbeldore and her relative rookie status, most of her jobs lately had been tame and boring with a heavy side of paperwork. She spent most of the afternoon arguing with witch with a strong scottish accent about why she couldn’t use her wand for gardening work, particularly to magically rip out tree trunks, in front of her muggle neighbors. At one point the witch stated she’d just modify her neighbors memories again like she did last time, which led to some very awkward interviews with the muggles in question, several citations for the witch and a seven page report due before the end of the day. 

Fortunately, dinner was quite a bit better and the ordeal had made a great story to recant to Remus and Sirius. She was glad to find Remus was doing quite a bit better than the morning, though he still looked pale and tired. 

Sirius rushed them to the den straight after dinner so they could all watch a movie together. He was excited to show Tonks the newly enlarged television set which now took up a good third of the wall. 

“Excellent!” she exclaimed when she saw it. She mentioned getting some popcorn the next day which she and Remus then had to explain to Sirius who had never heard of it. After that Sirius arranged them on the couch with Tonks in the middle and flipped it to the movie channel. He casually draped an arm around Tonks, while Remus sat rigidly on her other side, his hands grasping his knees tightly. They sat like that for the first twenty minutes or so while Sirius laughed heartily at the movie and made comments about how ingenious muggles were, until Remus took her hand. She smiled at him, hoping to reassure him. It took him a few more minutes to entwine their fingers but by the hour mark he had pulled her close to cuddle with him. 

She couldn’t help but giggle when he finally leaned in to whisper in her ear, “I have no idea what this movie is about. I’ve been to distracted getting up the nerve to get close to you.” She turned to smile at him and found he was looking at her intently. She was trying to think of a good response when he moved forward and kissed her. It was closed mouth and timid, but it marked the first time he had made the first move to kiss her outside of the bedroom, without Sirius’ intervention. 

He pulled back to search her face for her reaction, then smiling kissed her again with a bit more heat. 

“Well this is shaping up to be a better show than the movie,” Sirius’ voice broke through their private moment. Remus pulled back, blushing furiously. “Well don’t stop on my account,” Sirius replied, throwing his hands up in the air as if to claim innocence. 

Tonks felt like she could hit him. “You ruined a perfectly good romantic moment.” 

“I’ll admit, my thoughts are impure,” he laughed. 

“Just go back to watching your movie,” she replied, giving Remus a coy wink. 

“Sorry, can’t do. Completely lost the plot. Much more interested in seeing how this develops,” Sirius answered motioning to her and Remus. 

Remus cleared his throat. “Maybe we should just go to bed.”

“Absolutely,” Sirius replied, switching off the tv and springing to his feet. He took off toward the hall, hardly waiting to see if they were following. 

Tonks shook her head. “And I thought I was bad.” 

Remus smiled and stood, offering her his hand which she took. They took their time getting to the bedroom, hand in hand. Tonks felt like there was an unmistakable electricity building between them and by the time they got to the bedroom, she was ready to launch herself on him. 

Sirius already had his shirt off and approached them both eagerly once they crossed the threshold of the door. “Took you long enough,” he complained. 

“Padfoot, shut up,” Remus replied, pressing himself closer to Tonks. All his shyness had fallen by the wayside. He stroked her cheek with a delicate finger and tilted her chin up to face him. 

“Cranky. He gets like this when he’s PMSing,” Sirius teased, reaching for the belt around Remus’ waist. 

Remus turned to glare at him. “Just for that, you only get to watch.” 

Tonks’ laugh was cut off by Remus’ urgent tongue in her mouth. His hands were tearing at her clothes demandingly and he was pushing her back against the wall. She was taken off guard at first but quickly rebounded, kissing and tugging and pulling at any bit of him she could reach as she felt her bare skin press against the cold wall. 

She moaned as he unhooked her bra and slid it off her, throwing it wildly across the room. This was a side of Remus she had yet to experience. Normally he was gentle and timid, asking for her consent an obscene amount of times before getting on with things, usually waiting for direction from her or Sirius. 

He let out a groan that sounded more like a growl, when he rid her of her underwear and pulled her legs out from under her, driving her flush against the wall. He nibbled gently at her neck, then gruffly asked, “Ready?” 

She cried out an enthusiastic “Yes!” grasping at his back desperately, sure she was leaving deep grooves with her nails. He wasted no time in thrusting into her. She shrieked, clinging to him tightly while he had his way with her. 

She angled her neck out toward him and begged him to bite her. He grunted and threaded his fingers through her hair, pulling it roughly instead. “No. It could scar,” he replied and then kissed her hard again. She was too close then to argue. She felt him shudder inside of her as her own body pulsed, contracting and constricting. 

He slid out of her, but still held her against the wall, breathing heavily. She wanted to say something, to thank him but all she managed was a whimper. He smiled and kissed her gently before swinging her away from the wall and laying her down on the bed. 

Before either of them could make a move, Sirius threw himself at Remus. She watched as they struggled across the room, unsure if they were snogging or fighting. As rough as Remus had been with her a moment ago, he was even more so with Sirius, scratching and pinching him, pulling his hair. Sirius responded much the same, except he wasn’t concerned about using his teeth. Tonks sat up to watch them more closely, slipping her hand between her legs.

Finally Remus pushed Sirius face down on the mattress next to her. Sirius groaned, moving his own hands down to his throbbing cock.   
Remus had summoned his wand from somewhere, quickly mumbling some spells directed at Sirius’ arse that Tonks assumed must have been for cleaning and lube. Remus tossed his wand and plunged himself deeply into Sirius, who shrieked, though if it were with pleasure or pain, Tonks couldn’t be sure. 

She watched in awe and lust as Remus dominated Sirius, thrusting fast and rough. She had never seen Remus top Sirius before, and something about watching it was making it hard for her to breathe normally. She slid her own fingers in and out of herself in time with Remus’ rhythm and Sirius’ moans, feeling the sticky wet remnants of their earlier encounter. 

She came again, watching Remus climax, arching into Sirius who had already spent himself a moment before. 

Remus rolled off of Sirius, squishing himself between Tonks and Sirius’ still quivering form. “Fuck,” Sirius panted, his voice muffled in the mattress. 

“Mmm hmm,” Tonks replied. Remus looked like he was about to fall asleep. She brushed his hair out of his eyes. “I’m not sure what inspired that, but please let me know so we can do it again,” she joked. Remus gave her a shy smile. 

Sirius rolled over on his side to face them both. “I should have warned you Tonks. He gets like this before the full moon. Cranky and randy.”

Remus pushed at Sirius’ chest ineffectually. “It’s rude to make fun of people’s afflictions,” his voice was breathless and he laid back, closing his eyes. “I think I need to sleep now,” he whispered. 

Tonks kissed his forehead and rolled out of bed to retrieve her wand from her discarded clothes. She cast a few cleaning spells and set it safely on the bedside table. Moody had drilled it into her head to always have it somewhere within reach, even when sleeping. 

She got back into the bed, pulling up the covers and nestling close to Remus’ chest, though he was already fast asleep. She looked across him over to Sirius. “So, is he going to be like this until the full moon.”

Sirius chuckled. “He can get a bit unpredictable and err spontaneous, this time of the month.”

“Does he ever get like this normally?” she asked curiously.

“You just have to know how to push his buttons. There is a definite dominate streak lurking below the surface,” Sirius replied, tracing a circle around Remus’ exposed nipple. Remus mumbled in his sleep. “Well we might as well sleep too. Maybe he’ll want to go another round when he wakes up.”  
Tonks could hardly argue with that, and besides, she was quite tired herself after their passionate encounter. She was asleep nearly as soon as she closed her eyes. 

It was much darker and cooler when she awoke sometime later to a blood curdling scream. In one smooth motion, she managed to grab her wand and roll out of the bed into a defensive crouch on the floor, wand poised and ready. 

She was weighing her options, wondering if it was more beneficial to light her wand tip to get a bit more information at the risk of revealing her own position, when she heard another scream accompanied by a desperate sob. 

“Sirius!” she heard Remus’ voice, sharp and alert. Then he called out to her, “Tonks, it’s okay. He’s just having a nightmare.” 

She lit her wand and held it up to get a survey of the situation. Sirius was thrashing around, tangled in the sheets. From what she could tell he looked drenched in sweat. Remus was trying to shake him awake, muttering calming words that seemed to have no effect whatsoever. 

“James! James no!” Sirius moaned. She saw a wave of pain ripple through Remus’ face at the name of his dead friend. “NO!” Sirius screamed. 

Remus wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius and rocked him back and forth. “Wake up Sirius,” he called out. “It’s a dream. Just a dream.” 

Tonks stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, watching the two men, unsure of what to do, her wand still raised up high. 

“Remus?” Sirius voice came out a croak. 

“Yes. I’m here,” he replied. Tonks thought it sounded like he was holding back tears.

“James and Lily are… And it was Peter!” Sirius then tugged at Remus frantically. “It was Peter, Remus you have to believe me. I would never… We have to find him. He going to try to blame me. But I couldn’t, I could never. Not James, not ever…” His words came out slurred and distraught. 

“I knew it couldn’t be you,” Remus asserted crushing Sirius against him. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“Is Harry okay? I-I can’t remember what happened to Harry,” Sirius sobbed. He was crying freely now. It scared Tonks to see him this way. The very thought of Sirius Black shedding tears was nearly unimaginable. He was always so cool, so detached. To see him so emotional made her world feel much more fragile.   
“Sirius, do you know what year it is? Do you know where we are?” Remus asked, his voice solid and soothing. 

Sirius pushed away from Remus and blinked several times. “Remus?” he asked again. His voice sounded nearly normal again. 

“I’m here,” he repeated. 

Sirius wiped his eyes, as if surprised to find tears there. “I was dreaming again?”

Remus seemed to be having a hard time meeting Sirius’ eyes. He nodded, his eyes fixed on the wall behind Sirius. “About James and Lily.” 

“And fucking Peter,” Sirius added harshly. The both sat in a long silence. Tonks’ arm was beginning to tire and she lowered her wand. Sirius suddenly seemed to notice her standing beside the bed when the angle of light changed. “I’m sorry I woke you.” 

Tonks took that as an invitation to get back in bed, but she left her wand lit. When they continued to sit in silence she offered, “I could sleep in another room if that’s better.” 

“No,” Sirius answered as Remus reached out to grab her arm. 

“Stay,” Remus whispered. “Please.” He released her arm.

She nodded. “I’m going to put out the light.” They both nodded and she extinguished her wand and replaced it on the bedside table. 

Tonks felt them shuffling around on the bed but was unable to see anything as her eyes readjusted to the dark. When she slipped back beneath the blankets she realized Remus and Sirius had switched places, leaving Sirius in the middle. She tentatively cuddle close, laying her face against Sirius’ chest. Remus’ arms were already wrapped protectively around his waist. 

They laid quietly like that for a few long moments before Sirius stated, “It’s Halloween tomorrow.” She could feel Remus squeeze him tighter in response. 

“I know,” Remus replied simply.

Tonks remained silent. She didn’t know what she could say in response to this admission. Of course she knew Halloween was the next day and what that day meant to them both and to Harry too. While most of the wizarding world relished the chance to celebrate the dual holiday of traditional Halloween and the downfall of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, those most impacted by the deaths of James and Lily Potter found it bittersweet at best. To Remus and Sirius it had marked the end of most of the happiness in their lives. She had been taking their lead in simply pretending it was just an ordinary day, nothing of note. Since Sirius never left the house and Remus and Tonks rarely went out either besides work or Order business, it was easy enough to ignore. But, she supposed, some hurts were too deep to ever forget, no matter how hard you tried. 

She reached for Remus’ hand and squeezed it and Sirius tight. “I love you,” she said, surprising herself. “I love you both.” She hadn’t expected to say anything at all but now that she’d let it loose she felt it deeply. There was a sharp intake of breath but she couldn’t make out if it was Remus or Sirius. 

Now she felt compelled to say more. She had no idea if she was helping or hurting but she couldn’t leave it at just that. She wanted more than anything to take on some of their pain, to ease the burden of their memories. “I know that doesn’t change anything and I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, either one of you… but I do, I really love you both and if I can help, please let me.” 

There was a sudden rush of movement where Sirius and Remus both sat up at once and attempted to kiss her. In the dark they both missed, one kissing her chin and the other her temple. There was a laugh and then two sets of hands each grabbed an arm and there was another round of shuffling, ending with her in the middle with each of them cuddling up to her, their hands joined across her midriff. 

Neither of them spoke again but after a while she heard first Sirius, then Remus’ breathing ease back into slumber. She drifted off herself soon after, wondering at the strange and wonderful turns her life had taken over the past few months. Thankful for the love and peace she had found here with these two men, even amidst war and loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks. I am very tired tonight so my editing may not have been as on par as usual. Please excuse my mess. The important thing is I still posted tonight on my regular schedule! Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

The morning after Halloween Tonks found herself rummaging through the fridge pondering if fruit salad constituted a breakfast and if simply rinsing off fruit and putting it on a plate constituted a fruit salad. With a heavy sigh, she decided she could probably manage at least some eggs and toast. It’s happened, I’ve become domestic, she chided herself. 

Remus and Sirius were still asleep. After their particularly alcohol laden day (and night) of mourning, she didn’t expect them to be up for a while longer. She had come down to the kitchen on her own to attempt making them breakfast. In theory it had sounded romantic and supportive, in practice she was reminded why she rarely did much of the cooking herself. 

She reflected on the strangeness of cooking for other people and the fact that she had voluntarily remained sober the night before while Remus and Sirius ran the house dry. Perhaps I’m growing up. Even a few weeks ago the thought of herself doing either of those things would have seemed laughable. But here she was flipping eggs and buttering toast, not the slightest bit hungover. 

She hadn’t known what to expect the morning after Sirius’ nightmare but she woke to find the two of them already drinking. Not entirely unexpected of Sirius but she was surprised to find Remus with a drink in hand before the sun had gone down. By the time she had gotten home from work they were both well and truly pissed. 

“Tonks!” Sirius had excitedly greeted her at the door. He wrapped and arm around her and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek. “So glad you are home,” he slurred. “Cause you love me.” He laughed wildly, “And you always bring me such nice things.” 

“Good to see you too Sirius!” She said with a nervous chuckle, steering him back down the hall. 

Remus stumbled into the hallway and nearly knocked them both over. Tonks could hear music echoing through the house. “Tonks!” Remus nearly shouted. She had been surprised to find him as inebriated as Sirius. “Come dance with us. You need to hear this song. Lily would want you to hear it.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room. 

She had decided then she should probably remain sober. She had seen Remus tipsy once but that had been unintentional on his part. Usually she could rely on him to be the responsible one but it seemed the pair of them had decided the best way to make it through this day was to be as drunk as possible. She couldn’t particularly blame them. The least she could do to help them through it was make sure they didn’t do anything stupid, like try to leave the house. 

They stayed up more than half the night playing her nearly every album Sirius owned, sharing which songs were Lily or James’ favorites and recounting their fond memories. At one point Sirius had gotten the idea that they should write it all down for Harry but by the time Tonks had found a pen and parchment, Remus and Sirius were clinging to each other on the sofa, sobbing. Neither of them could string together enough intelligible words to explain what had set them off but Tonks could guess why they were crying. She simply sat with them waiting for the tears to dry up or their focus to switch elsewhere. 

At a certain point in the night she had started watering down their drinks, concerned that even Sirius and his practiced liver, was overdoing it. Still she sensed the importance of this ritual. This was how they dealt with the grief, one night of drink fueled grieving a year so they could put it aside the rest of the time. Or as much as anyone could. 

She did worry how things would have ended up if they had been left alone all night though, especially after they had dissolved into an all out fist fight. Sirius had been teasing Remus, pretending to howl at the moon, persisting even when Remus asked him several times to stop. Then suddenly they were slamming each other all around the room, screaming at each other. By the time Tonks had finally gotten them to stop, half the furniture in the room needed a repair spell along with healing spells for Sirius’ nose and several of Remus’ fingers. 

She had taken them upstairs then, hoping she could find another outlet for their energy. But by the time she got them both in bed and undressed Sirius had passed out. Remus refused to lay down until she laid next to him. He had held her close and whispered in her ear how much he loved her and how beautiful he thought she was. “I can’t believe you are real sometimes,” he confessed. He smiled at her lazily and then he had passed out too. 

She smiled to herself at the memory of his words as she scraped eggs out of the pan and onto plates. She set the table, wondering if she should wake them. She wanted to let them sleep but she also knew tonight was the full moon. She was unsure when Severus would be by to bring Remus’ potion and she would need to leave for work soon. She kept turning the plates and fidgeting with the napkins. She was nervous about tonight, uncertain of her role in caring for Remus. 

“You made breakfast.” 

She jumped at Remus’ voice, catching a hand to her chest. “Oh I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“Sorry,” he said, approaching her hesitantly. “Thank you,” he added reaching for her hand. 

She willingly gave it to him and he pulled her in for a kiss. Again it was gentle, as if he were afraid she’d pull away or that he’d break her. She leaned into him, opening her mouth to him. His tongue slid across her own briefly before they were interrupted by a rather loud groan from Sirius. 

They sprang apart, hands still entwined. “I’m not groaning at you, just all of existence. Merlin how much did we drink last night?” he asked collapsing into one of the chairs, giving the plate of breakfast a contemplative look before shrugging and shoving an entire fried egg in his mouth. 

“Honestly I have no idea. You were both pretty far gone by the time I got home,” Tonks replied. She released Remus’ hands and guided him to a seat.

“I regret so many things,” Sirius replied dramatically, folding a piece of toast in half and consuming it in one bite. 

Tonks left them to their breakfast, as she searched the potions cabinet for a hangover remedy. She returned to the table, handing each of them a small purple vial before starting in on her own breakfast. 

“You are a goddess,” Sirius insisted, tossing his back immediately. 

“Did you have one earlier?” Remus asked, noticing that she hadn’t procured a potion for herself. Sirius stole a piece of his toast while he was focused on Tonks.

She gave Sirius a pointed look and replaced the piece with one of her own. “I didn’t drink last night. I thought you two could probably use a sober chaperone.” 

“That probably wasn’t necessary,” Sirius replied, taking several gulps of water. 

“Remus broke his hand breaking your nose,” Tonks responded, jabbing her fork in Sirius’ direction to emphasize her point. 

“Did I really?” Remus asked, looking mortified. 

“I probably deserved it,” Sirius replied. He slumped back in his chair, having consumed his own breakfast and a good portion of Remus’ as well. He sat with his hands over his face for several minutes while Remus and Tonks finished their own breakfasts.

Suddenly he sat back up, letting his hands fall to the table, “Ugh I forgot Snivellus will be by today. Exactly what one needs when nursing a hangover.” 

Remus was pursing his lips like he was holding something back. “Well you don’t have to see him. You could just stay upstairs when he comes by,” Remus suggested.

“Sure and then next meeting he’ll be recounting to everyone how cowardly I am hiding upstairs all the time or how useless I am because I can’t be bothered to host for the greasy git,” Sirius countered. 

“Well can you at least try not to antagonize him? And please, Sirius, can you stop with the Snivellus thing? We are in our thirties now. It’s starting to get pitiful.” Remus looked like he was trying very hard not to add to this lecture. 

“I’ll be civil if he is.”

“Can’t you be the bigger man?” Remus pleaded.

“Oh Remus, I assure you I am,” Sirius replied with a wink. Tonks couldn’t help but let out a little laugh but quickly put on a serious face when Remus turned to look at her. 

“Today is bad enough without the added stress of you and Severus at each other’s throat. So please for my sake, behave.” He stood and collected the dirty dishes and deposited them in the sink. 

Tonks decided it was now or never to broach the uncomfortable subject of the full moon. “Err Remus?”

He turned and gave her a smile.

“I was just wondering, well tonight is… err what should I do tonight?” 

Sirius looked from her to Remus and then leaned back in his seat with his hands behind his head. Tonks was sure he was trying not to smirk. Remus looked petrified. 

“It’s just, I want to help, if I can,” she finished weakly. 

Remus looked like he wanted to flee the room but he slowly returned to his seat, his hands clenched in fists on the table, trembling. “I-- I appreciate your concern Tonks, but you can’t help me tonight. In fact I think it would be better if you didn’t stay here tonight.”

She knew he meant well but his words were unexpectedly painful. 

“That’s a little much Moony,” Sirius chimed in, gazing at Tonks face. “She’ll be fine in another room.” 

“Fine then you should stay with her,” Remus shot back.

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “No. Absolutely not. I’m staying with you.”

Remus took a deep, staggered breath. “I’d prefer if you both stayed away from me, when I’m-- when I’m like that.”

Sirius grasped Remus’ arm forcefully. “No. Tonks doesn’t have a choice but I do. I’m staying with you. I didn’t spend four years of my life to learn how to become a dog for nothing. You don’t have to spend the moons alone anymore, ever.” 

Remus and Sirius shared an intense look then and Tonks could see tears shining in Remus’ eyes. Finally he nodded once to Sirius and then turned back to address her. “ It’s too dangerous for you to be near me, even with the potion. If you insist on staying here tonight, you’ll have to sleep in another room.” His voice had an uncomfortable edge to it and he wouldn’t meet her eyes. 

He rose again. She knew he would retreat now, sulk somewhere in a corner until Severus appeared with his potion, but she couldn’t let him beat himself up over this. She couldn’t help but feel a bit left out, a bit hurt that she couldn’t comfort him in his time of need, while Sirius could, but that wasn’t his fault. She needed him to understand that it was no one’s fault. That no matter what shape he bore tonight, she loved him all the same. 

Tonks jumped to her feet and launched herself at Remus’s back. Wrapping her arms around him, she held him in place. He froze. She could feel him tensing against her but she held on tight. “I’ll see you in the morning then, love,” she said. 

She felt some of the tension melt out of him at her words. Slowly he covered her arms with his own and gently squeezed. “In the morning then,” he replied. And softer, he whispered, “love.”


	7. Chapter 7

Tonks spent the night huddled on the floor with Buckbeak in the master bedroom. After tossing and turning for an hour in one of the spare bedrooms she had finally given up and sought refuge with the hippogriff, hoping she could provide some kind of comfort to someone at least. The creature seemed to have an affinity for her and had been more than happy to share the room. That NEWT in Care of Magical Creatures finally paying off, she mused. 

Despite knowing there was nothing she could do for Remus, she found it hard to fall asleep when she knew he was spending his night in distress. At least he has Sirius. 

She had spent a bit of time wandering the large room trying to distract herself. She knew it had been Sirius’ mother’s room and she had a morbid curiosity about it. What could the woman responsible for bringing Sirius into the world possibly be like? I suppose she’s a relative too, a great aunt or a cousin maybe? Too far removed to be worth remembering, especially since it was the estranged side of the family. 

The decor of the room was dark. The curtains were made of old, black velvet and the walls were covered with long tapestries displaying various constellations. Tiny dots of white on a deep ink blue backgrounds. She spent a long moment studying each, trying to recall a name for each grouping of stars. But she’d never been strong at astronomy and hadn’t been able to figure out a single one. 

There was a large wardrobe in one corner that was made of a dark oak. It was locked and even an alohomora wouldn’t budge it. A small nightstand rested against the extravagant bed frame, a stack of cryptic old poetry books on top of it. The canopy hangings of the elaborate, Victorian style bed were also black, although Buckbeak had ripped half of them down to make a nest for himself next to the bed. 

Finally when she had paced the room slowly a full three times, examined each tapestry and flipped half-heartedly through the pile of poetry books, she gave in and joined the hippogriff on the floor. She had pulled several of the pillows down off the bed to try to make it more comfortable. Buckbeak let out a happy chirp and laid down next to her, nuzzling her lightly with his hard beak. It was surprising how gentle he could be when he wanted to be. 

“Well I’m glad I could make you feel better at least,” she said.

With a sigh, she flicked her wand to extinguish the lamp and curled up to sleep.

She woke several hours later, when the first rays of the sun began leaking through the heavy curtains to illuminate a small section of the floor. She could see dust motes dancing in the light. She rose slowly, not wanting to disturb the hippogriff. He was sleeping soundly, his face tucked beneath a wing. 

Remus hadn’t wanted her even on the same floor while the moon was up, but now the sun was out and he would have to accept her comfort. She rushed as quietly as she could out of Sirius’ mother’s room and down the flight of stairs to the second floor. 

She didn’t bother knocking but opened the door slowly, hoping it wouldn’t creak. Sirius was lying on his side on the bed, bare chested but wearing pants. He was watching Remus, who was sleeping fitfully beneath the covers. 

He slid off the bed when he caught sight of Tonks. “Here, come lay with him.” He pulled her into the room, directing her toward the bed. “It’s best if someone stays with him. I’ll go get him some breakfast and a pain potion. He’ll sleep better after that.”

Tonks nodded and slipped beneath the covers to join Remus, as Sirius left the room.

She scooted close to him, tenderly placing an arm across his chest and pressing her face against him. His breathing was ragged and his skin felt cold and clammy. She pressed her body closer to him, hoping to share some of her own warmth. 

Remus stirred. He let out a little gasp but Tonks was unsure if it was from pain or surprise. “Tonks?” he asked weakly.

“I’m here,” she replied, trying to keep her voice steady. Her heart ached to see him in pain. 

“Mmmm,” he mumbled. 

“Do you need something? Sirius went to get you something for the pain,” Tonks asked, moving her arm off of him and making some space between them. She didn’t want him to feel crowded.

“No, stay. Please,” his voice was somehow hoarse and quiet at the same time. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” she reassured him. He pulled weakly at her arm and she realized he meant he wanted her to stay cuddled up to him so she pulled him into her arms. 

He collapsed against her chest, for once unconcerned about the impropriety of such an action outside of a sexual encounter. “You are so warm,” he murmured.

She ran her fingers through the back of his hair, hoping he would find it soothing. It took him only a moment to fall back to sleep. She held him close as he softly snored. He seemed so peaceful now it was hard to imagine the violent transformation he had endured the night before. 

She must have dozed too, she realized as she awoke to the sound of Sirius setting a plate down on the bedside table. 

“We should wake him for this. Trust me, the sooner he takes this, the better,” Sirius said shaking a blue potion bottle. 

“Remus, love, you have to get up now,” Tonks said in response, gently disentangling herself from him. 

He moaned pitifully. “I just want to sleep,” he replied. 

Sirius put a hand under his shoulder and pushed him into a sitting position, “You can once you take this and eat a bit.” Remus glared at him but took the blue bottle. He drank it in one large gulp and handed it back to Sirius, attempting to lay back down but Sirius wouldn’t budge. “Good. Now eat. You know it’s better if you eat.”

Sirius shoved a large plate of ham onto his lap. “I don’t want to eat. Just sleep,” Remus replied in a weary voice. 

“Tough,” Sirius replied, handing him a fork. 

Reluctantly Remus speared a piece of the ham with the utensil and brought it to his mouth. He chewed methodically, with his eyes closed. Tonks watched him eat from her side of the bed, wondering how long it would take him to get back to feeling normal. 

Despite his earlier protest, Remus finished the entire plate of ham. Sirius took the empty plate from him and put a glass water in its place. “You should probably drink some water too.” 

Remus nodded weakly and drank the water without complaint. Sirius took the empty glass and set it beside the dirty plate. “Alright now budge over. We’ll warm you up.” 

Remus rolled closer to Tonks to make room. He looked at her, seeming to truly notice her for the first time. “Tonks,” he croaked. “Excuse my behavior. I’m not feeling well.” It was an understatement. He was ghostly pale, with large purple circles beneath his eyes. Even his hair seemed paler. 

“She knows,” Sirius chided him, guiding him back down to a resting position. “Just lay down and let us take care of you.”

He complied, blinking heavily. “Just don’t think badly of me, please.” 

Sirius huffed, but Tonks replied before he could, “Never, love.” 

Remus smiled faintly before closing his eyes again. His breathing was more even and his face more relaxed now as he slumbered. 

“He picked up bad habits while he was alone all those years. Not taking proper care of himself,” Sirius grumbled. Though he was trying to seem angry, Tonks could tell that it was front, hiding guilt, regret and sadness. “And he’s always wanting to take care of us but never wanting to let us help him. He’s bloody stubborn.”

“How long until he feels back to normal?” Tonks asked, attempting to derail Sirius’ foul mood before he really got started.

“A day or two. He’ll probably sleep most of today,” Sirius replied. He brushed a few strands of Remus’ hair out of his face before gently cupping his face. After a long pause, Sirius asked, “Do you have to work today?”

“Not until late,” Tonks replied. She was beginning to feel some of the anxiety from the night resolve. “Going to Hogwarts tonight with Kingsley. Dumbledore wants some extra guards about while he’s out on business, but Fudge thinks he’s sending us to back up Umbridge. She’s been trying to figure out where Dumbledore goes when he leaves the school.”

“Aren’t we all,” Sirius replied from across Remus’ sleeping form. Tonks knew he’d been more than a little exasperated with Dumbledore for quite a while. He felt the old wizard was withholding too much information from the rest of the Order and was overly meddlesome when it came to decisions about Harry, particularly where he spent his summer vacations. 

“Maybe I can check in on the kids while I’m there. I know it’s been pretty impossible to get any messages through with the Ministry checking the mail and all that,” Tonks replied, hoping this would cheer him. 

“Yes!” Sirius answered, sitting up. He glanced down at Remus. “He’ll be fine now. Just needs to sleep it off. I’ll write Harry a letter and you can give it to him if you see him tonight.” He moved off the bed, grabbing a shirt from the floor and pulling it over his head. He left the room without another word, presumably to find a quill and parchment. 

Tonks decided to linger in bed, despite Sirius’ assertion that Remus would be fine. She slipped out of her clothes to get more comfortable and curled up against him, looking forward to catching up on some of her own sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Remus woke gradually, bracing himself for pain that did not come. Even after half a year of taking Wolfsbane again and having Sirius to comfort and care for him after the nights of the full moon, he still expected the pain. Years of it were ingrained in his memory. His limbs still ached and his muscles were still sore but the sensations were so dulled they were hardly worth notice in comparison. 

But even without pain, he found it best to get up slowly. Better to linger in that sacred place between sleeping and waking as long as possible. Once he committed to getting out of bed, he would have to contend with the fatigue and soreness for the rest of the day. And if he was honest, he knew he’d be irritable. Sometimes it was best to avoid Sirius the day after his transformation as they were prone to arguing when Remus was still regaining his impulse control and congeniality. 

And then he would need to confront Tonks if she hadn’t already left for work. He was afraid of what she would think after seeing him in his moment of weakness. He knew it was stupid. She would tell him, as she always did, that she didn’t care. Still he wasn’t sure he could stand it if he saw pity in her eyes today. Pity was often worse than loathing. 

He let out a large breath, resigned to the fact that he was now well and truly awake. He was contemplating finally opening his eyes and perhaps even stretching a bit, when he came to the rather sudden realization that he was not alone in the bed. 

He was barely able to stifle a shout of surprise when someone rolled over and flung an arm around his chest. He knew it was Tonks when he felt her breasts pressed against his chest. Her bare breasts, against his bare chest. 

He felt a shiver run up his spine and an uncomfortable stiffness in his groin. 

She was still fast asleep, her face slack and serene. He noticed her lips were parted just a little and he felt a sudden urge to kiss her. 

He laid very still, wondering at his body’s response. It was nearly unthinkable that he’d be up to getting out of bed at all on a day after a transformation, let alone to feel up to well that. But now he was finding it very hard to concentrate on anything other than the beautiful naked woman now resting on his chest. 

Oh Tonks, you may be the only woman alive willing to crawl naked into the bed of a werewolf less than a few hours after the full moon. She amazed him and she frightened him. She was so damn trusting. 

She mumbled something in her sleep and clutched at his chest. He took her hand in his own, and watched her sleep, trying to think chaste thoughts. If it had been any other day, he would have slipped out of bed and left her to sleep on her own, but he wasn’t quite back to himself yet. The wild side of himself wanted to take her now, while the civil, gentlemanly side was telling him to leave her be, to come back later, fully clothed to talk about what her experience had been last night. The best he could manage at the moment was to stay exactly where he was at, watching but not touching her.

He wondered where Sirius was and why they were alone in bed. If Sirius was here, things would have been easier. He could have let Sirius take the lead. It was always easier when he was around to direct things. He was so much more confident and practiced.

Remus felt like a wire wound too tight. He could feel Tonks’ every breath, her body pressing closer on each inhale. Her hair was falling in her face. It was a deep rich, auburn today. He wondered if it had changed in her sleep. He reached down to brush it back and she let out a soft moan. The wire broke.

Before his mind could catch up with his body, he was kissing her desperately. His hands had slipped down to her hips, pulling her closer. 

Her eyes flew open. He managed enough self control to pull back, feeling abashed. But she gave him a wicked smile and tilted her face towards his. He needed no more encouragement. 

He crashed into her, kissing her deeply, his hands roaming her body. She made small reassuring noises. He rolled her onto her back, crawling on top of her, pinning her beneath him. All thoughts of pain or exhaustion forgotten. All he could see and feel was her.

She was panting in his ear. Whispering “yes” and “please” and “now”. He couldn’t have denied her even if he had wanted to. 

He was barely aware of what he was doing, only that it felt good and right. She was moaning and shaking and then she was shrieking and clasping the sheets tightly in her fists. She arched into him and he came, grunting deeply. 

They were both breathing heavily then, staring into each others’ eyes. Then all at once he was reminded of his recovering body as he collapsed onto her chest. 

She hugged him tightly and rubbed the back of his head, “I’m sorry,” she cried. “Oh I should have known you needed to rest.”

He rolled off of her, onto his back, but took one of her hands in his own. “No,” he said breathlessly. “That was… I shouldn’t have… you were sleeping.”

“Remus, you have my explicit permission to wake me up any time you want to have your way with me,” she replied matter of factly. 

He stared at her in disbelief, his cheeks hot. 

She smiled and kissed his forehead. “That was much better than extra sleep,” she reassured him, squeezing his hand. 

“Still… I’m sorry. I should have asked you. I should have --”

“Remus! Stop apologizing! This is exactly what I wanted!” she interrupted him. Her face was scrunched up. He knew it meant she was frustrated but it was hard to take seriously because it made her look adorable. 

She looked at him for a long moment. He stared back, trying to communicate without words how much he cherished her. Suddenly she looked down, blushing. “That was our first time without Sirius,” she mumbled. She looked at him again, smiling. 

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he looked at her quizzically. 

“You initiated it,” she whispered, putting a hand to her face. 

Remus realized she was right. They had reached a milestone of sorts. He had initiated sex with her, just her, without needing Sirius there as reassurance. He sat up and took her other hand as well. “I - I did.”

She leaned in and kissed him softly. “You did. And you are touching me now. Like it is natural.”

“I am,” he said, smiling. He pulled one of her hands to his face, nuzzling it gently. 

“You are finally comfortable with me,” she cried out joyfully. She flung herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her silently, enjoying the moment of victory. 

“I know you said it wasn’t me, but I was worried that maybe you weren’t attracted to me,” she confessed, her face buried in the crook of his neck. 

“I’m not sure why you would think that,” Remus replied, running his fingers through her hair, which was now short and pink once more. “Honestly, I don’t understand why you are attracted to me.”

She pulled back, her fierce eyes piercing his own, “Because you are bloody brilliant, you just don’t know it. Ask Sirius. He’ll tell you too.”

Remus just shook his head and kissed her on the nose. “Alright we’ll agree to disagree for now,” he teased. 

She sighed loudly. “You Remus Lupin are brilliant and beautiful and you just need to accept it!” she batted at him playfully with each word to emphasize her point. 

He gently pushed her back down onto the bed. “Nymphadora Tonks,” he said kissing her innocently. “I believe you are describing yourself.” 

“Ugh,” she moaned attempting to push him off. “Remus you are infuriating!” 

He gave her a smile and reached down to tickle her stomach. She shrieked and squirmed beneath him trying to break free between giggles and gasps. That was how Sirius found them. 

“This is not what I expected when I heard Tonks shrieking,” Sirius said from the doorway. 

Remus turned to look at him and Tonks wiggled out from beneath him. “Ha!” she intoned triumphantly. 

Sirius strode into the room waving a piece of parchment at Tonks. “Here’s my letter,” he said folding it and setting it on the bedside table next to her wand. He gave them both a questioning look. “What exactly were you two doing?”

Remus and Tonks exchanged a look and broke out into laughter. 

Regaining his composure Remus replied, “I was --”

“We had sex,” Tonks interjected, her face still flushed with mirth.

One of Sirius’ eyebrows raised as he looked between the two and then he too laughed. “Well it’s about time Moony. I was beginning to wonder if you had forgotten how to do it without me instructing you.”

Remus smacked him in the face with a pillow. “Shut up Padfoot.”

“Hey, don’t think I’ll let you get away with things just because you are recovering from the moon! If you’re well enough to shag Tonks, you’re well enough to defend yourself!” 

“He was tickling me too,” Tonks added. 

“You are going to gang up on a poor, infirmed, old man?” Remus questioned, laying back in bed as if to demonstrate his infirmity. 

Sirius handed him back his pillow. “It wouldn’t be a fair fight.” He turned and went to the dresser, pulling out clothing for Remus and setting them at the foot of the bed in a neat pile. Tonks was watching Sirius with a thoughtful expression. “Really how are you feeling?” Sirius asked. 

“Very well, all things considered,” Remus answered as he got up to begin dressing. “What did you give me this morning?” 

“Did the trick then? Severus isn’t the only one who is good at making potions you know.” Remus didn’t fail to notice that he had neglected to use his unsavory nickname for the man. “I can brew a very good pain potion. Not like I’ve got much else to do around here. I also made you eat and drink something. Honestly I don’t know what you’ve been doing the past thirteen years without me.” 

“Suffering,” Remus replied, crossing the room and pulling Sirius into his arms. “Thank you Padfoot, for taking care of me.” 

Sirius tensed for a moment, as if unsure how to respond to the genuine kindness and gratitude that Remus was offering. Remus knew it was hard for him to let down his guard, to accept such an action without a sarcastic or sardonic response, but he felt it was still important to recognize what lengths Sirius had gone to care for him, not only this month but the past several. 

To Remus surprise, Sirius hugged him back and whispered, “You’re welcome, Moony.” 

Remus wanted to kiss him then but was worried it would be a push to far so he let go and moved away on the pretense of grabbing his own wand from the table. “What’s the letter for?” he asked to give Sirius an easy change of subject. 

“Tonks is working at Hogwarts this evening. She said she’d try to get a letter to Harry since I can’t send him an owl or use the fire anymore thanks to that old hag,” Sirius replied.

Tonks yawned before scooping up the letter and her wand. Remus noticed that she was also now clothed. “Yes. Tonight I’m doing Order duty and work at the same time. No double shift!” she cheered. She started toward the hall. “I’m starved. Sirius come make me something to eat!”

Sirius followed her out into the hall. “And what’s wrong with you that you can’t make something for yourself?”

“I have this condition where I don’t want to burn the house down,” Tonks replied.

Remus smiled as he followed his bickering lovers out to the kitchen.


	9. Chapter 9

Despite all his protestations, Tonks suspected that Sirius did indeed enjoy cooking for her and Remus. In her experience so far, if there was something Sirius Black truly did not want to do, nothing in the heavens or on the earth could make him do it. She found he’d usually make her food after three or four prodding comments. He would bicker and curse but it rarely took more than fifteen minutes before they were in the kitchen and he was summoning food and cooking implements across the room. In fact, she found she appreciated it more when he complained about it first. It was like their own inside joke. Remus seemed to understand the process if not the enjoyment they derived from it. 

Tonks had spent the last several weeks trying to understand Sirius’ affection and she felt she was finally getting somewhere. Remus was a straightforward romantic. He would lavish you with compliments and pull out your chair for you. Take your hand like a true gentlemen. Kiss you gently on the cheek. Sirius on the other hand, hardly touched either of them unless he wanted to shag. He was not the hand holding type and she wasn’t sure she’d heard him compliment anyone other than Harry while sober. But earlier when they had been upstairs and she saw him pull out clean folded clothing and set it neatly in a pile for Remus, it all seemed to finally click. 

Sirius could not admit his feelings in a straightforward way, instead he would complain, mock and ridicule while he performed acts of service. She had watched him earlier upstairs as he had picked up his own clothes from a heap on the floor but made sure Remus had clean matching ones from the dresser. He’d complained about Remus’ stubbornness all morning as he’d made sure that he ate breakfast and took his potion. And now after grumbling all the way downstairs he was making her a hot meal. He’d selected chicken, her favorite, despite his own preference for roast. She smiled but said nothing. It wouldn’t do to thank him directly, not when he went to so much trouble to be indirect himself. 

She thought a smack on the bum and a snarky comment might be the kind of proper thanks he’d appreciate, so she crossed the room to slap him playfully on the arse. “Sirius, I must admit, you do so make a sexy housewife, though if I might make a suggestion, perhaps you could lose the clothes and just wear an apron next time,” she teased, taking a swipe for a taste of something out of the pan, but he moved it deftly out of the way long before she got close.

“I’m contemplating what the lewdest thing I can make you do before you get to eat this is that we will still want to eat after witnessing,” he retorted, shouldering her out of the way. 

She pouted, dancing out of his reach. 

“I suppose it is too much to ask that we just have a normal meal?” Remus asked from the table. He was skimming a day old copy of the Prophet that some Order member had left behind. 

“She started it,” Sirius replied, pointing at Tonks with a wooden spoon. 

She mimed a hurt look, “I was just trying to give you a compliment, sweetheart.” 

“I swear you are going to be wearing the food soon,” he replied. 

Remus put down the paper, giving them both a patented Remus ‘can you two please act like mature adults’ look. 

Tonks bowed to Sirius in submission, “I was only teasing you. I appreciate that you are cooking so that I do not have to spend my afternoon extinguishing your kitchen again after my own attempt.” 

Sirius smirked and turned back to his pan.

Tonks retreated to the table, flopping down into the seat next to Remus. “Anything interesting in the news?” she asked, not really caring about the answer. The morning had been far too emotionally involved for her to pay much mind to the outside world for the moment. She wanted to remain in this domestic bliss an hour longer. She knew her past self would have laughed at her for that thought but she was able to see past that now. Love makes you grow, I guess.

“Not in this I’m afraid. Nothing important makes it into the Prophet anymore. Unless you want Ten Easy Spells to Prepare for Winter Weather or the updated tour schedule for Celestina Warbeck,” Remus replied tossing the paper aside. He picked up a piece of parchment that had been laying beneath it. “Moody did leave some notes on some of our top priorities for tailing.” He flipped the paper over to examine the other side. “Perhaps some is an understatement,” he added, his face scrunched up in concentration. 

“Oh let me see,” Tonks replied, sliding her chair so that she was sitting flush against Remus. She leaned into him on the pretense of getting a better view of the notes. Truly she wasn’t the least bit interested in the notes at the moment; she had just wanted an excuse to get closer to Remus. She wanted to gauge his reaction, to see if their encounter upstairs had been an exception and not the new norm. 

Remus inhaled sharply. He moved to give her the parchment but seemed to stop halfway through the motion, as if the sight of her so close had brought him to a halt. His eyes were transfixed and though his face was still unnaturally pale, she could see an unmistakable blush of pink. “Err here you go,” he said, offering her the paper. 

“Thank you,” she replied breathlessly, taking the paper and discarding it on the table. Remus gave her a confused look that she returned with a smile. She slid her hands into his, tugging him forward ever so slightly. Understanding passed over his face briefly, before his face drifted towards her own. 

Before their lips could touch, they were interrupted by heavy plates nudging each of them in the back of the head. “Oh I’m sorry. Am I interrupting?” Sirius asked. He was standing a few feet away, wand held aloft as he directed the dishes. “I was just slaving away, making you this lovely meal, but if you’d rather snog I suppose I can find some better use for it.” 

Tonks pushed the plate away from her head and dragged her chair a respectable distance away from Remus’. She could tell by Sirius’ tone of voice that he wasn’t really angry. He just couldn’t resist a chance to taunt and tease them. Still she didn’t want him to feel left out, especially after he had been particularly attentive this morning. 

She stood and pulled the plate out of the air and set it on the table in front of her. Remus was still battling with his. “You are right,” she replied, approaching Sirius. “That’s no proper way to thank you.” Sirius gave her a curious look, amusement in his eyes. 

“We are properly grateful though, aren’t we Remus?” she continued, reaching out to take his wand out of his hand. She slid it into his pocket before pulling him into a crushing kiss in one quick, fluid motion. 

Sirius hadn’t been expecting it and was temporarily thrown off balance. He was used to being the aggressor and Tonk’s sudden advance gave her the upper hand. She had also given herself an extra few inches in height in order to balance out their height difference. He gave a few steps backwards before he recovered from his surprise and began snogging her back in earnest. She slipped her hands down to cup his arse and pull him closer, which elicited a groan. 

When they broke for air, Sirius rasped breathlessly, “Now that’s a proper thanks.”

Tonks gave him a devious smile and turned toward Remus. He was standing next to the table, his mouth agape. “I think you ought to thank Sirius properly too, Remus,” she said, holding out her hand to him. 

Remus took her hand wordlessly and let her pull him towards them. She took Sirius’ hand and put it in Remus’. When Remus just stood silently staring at Sirius, she gave him a slight nudge. This shook him into action and Remus took Sirius’ face gently in his hands before kissing him softly but deeply and Sirius responded in kind. 

Tonks smiled at the sight of them, wondering, not for the first time, at the utter lack of jealousy she experienced. In that moment, she hadn’t even felt lust. Instead she felt a deep contentment, a wellspring of joy and the cosy, safe feeling she associated with being at home. 

She turned to return to the table, happy to let the two of them enjoy their moment, but Sirius grasped her arm to stop her. He pulled her back to them, Remus parting slightly to make room for her. “Three is better than two,” Sirius said and Remus kissed him again. When he pulled back, Sirius dragged both Tonks and Remus back upstairs. 

It was a long time before they ever actually got around to their meal.


	10. Chapter 10

Tonks was finally enticed to pull herself out of the comfort of bed by the smell of bacon and strongly brewed coffee wafting up from the kitchen. The evening of guard duty at Hogwarts had been much more draining than anticipated. She had figured it would be an easy mission and the prospect of possibly catching Harry and his friends had promised to make it much more entertaining than the monotonous mounds of paperwork and endless hours of watching an empty hallway that her work usually entailed. In the end the only good thing to come of it had been that she had managed to do her Order work while on the clock for her regular job. Mercifully she had managed a solid eight hours of sleep. 

She hadn’t been able to see Harry and getting him Sirius’ letter had been completely out of the question. Unfortunately the reign of Umbridge was worse than she had feared. She’d known the woman was a piece of work, but she had seemed to make it her personal mission in life to make poor Harry (and his entire House) as miserable as possible. After failing to nearly ban the entire Gryffindor House from Quidditch, she instead settled on banning just Harry and the Weasley twins. She had even gone as far as to confiscate their brooms and add several unfounded rounds of detentions for each of them. What was worse, Kingsley had shared that Umbridge was personally tracking Harry’s movements and searching his mail. The Order didn’t even have a good way of warning Harry. 

“Minerva tried to give him a warning, but kids that age are headstrong…” Kingsley had said. “Perhaps Sirius can talk to him over the holidays. Easier to be blunt when he’s away from Hogwarts.”

Tonks was not looking forward to updating Sirius about these unfortunate details. 

But she had lounged in bed as long as she could. Even Remus, who was still recovering from his transformation, had been up for more than an hour. Besides her stomach was grumbling and she was beginning to get a headache. The allure of breakfast was beginning to outweigh the dread of facing Sirius. 

Remus met her in the doorway to the kitchen with a mug of coffee and a chaste kiss. “Good morning, love,” he said cheerily. She gave him a tired smile and slunk to the table. 

“Well how was it? How is Harry?” Sirius asked, setting a plate of food in front of her and taking the seat across from her. 

She stalled by taking several gulps of coffee. Remus took a seat next to Sirius and gave her a concerned look. “Well I wasn’t able to see any of the kids,” she said. She pulled the wrinkled letter Sirius has given her to deliver to Harry from her pocket and slid it across the table to Sirius. His face was unreadable, but if she had to guess he was doing his best to not lash out at her. “Umbridge has pretty much the whole damn school under lock and key. She wouldn’t even leave us alone with Minerva. She obviously doesn’t have much faith in me. I’m pretty sure she had Filch follow me all night.”  
Remus had transferred his look of concern to Sirius and had tried to take his hand but Sirius shook it off. “Miserable old hag,” Sirius replied bitterly.

“I should tell you… but you aren’t going to like it…” Tonks continued, looking briefly at both men. “She’s banned Harry from Quidditch indefinitely. Fred and George too. Knigsley said she’s been watching Harry like a hawk. Seems like she is trying to garner favor from Fudge by making him as miserable as possible.”

The color of Sirius’ face seemed to have skipped red altogether and was now nearing purple. Remus scooted his chair back a few inches, seemingly knowing how he’d respond. Sirius jumped to his feet and slammed his mug down on the table so hard it shattered. “I knew she had it out for him! After what he told me about his hearing! And Dumbledore just does nothing!” he shouted. 

Tonks closed her eyes and lowered her head, unsure of what her next move should be. When she looked up Remus was watching Sirius as he paced the room, gesticulating wildly and continuing to shouting about Dumbledore. She tried to catch Remus’ eye to silently plead for direction, but he was distracted. 

“He just does nothing for Harry unless it suits him. It’s all well enough when Harry’s got to fight a Basilisk or save the Merlin damned sorcerer’s stone or face fucking Voldemort alone in a graveyard but Merlin forbid Dumbledore lift a finger to help him outside life or death. He knows Harry hasn’t got anyone. Does he think fucking Petunia is going to interced on his behalf? Considering what all James and Lily did for him he ought to be taking just a little interest in Harry’s well being! He owes him a little more than the bare minimum!”

Remus got to his feet and took Sirius by the arm. “Sirius it’s not going to do anyone any good for you to get belligerent about it. It won’t help Harry.”

Sirius jerked his arm out of Remus’ grasp and glared at him. “It makes me feel fucking better.” 

Remus pursed his lips and sighed. “We’ll talk to Dumbledore. Ask if there is anything else he can do. It could be he’s trying to help Harry by not drawing any more attention to him or making the Ministry think that he’s especially important to Dumbledore.”

Tonks didn’t have much to add to the conversation but found she was thankful for Remus’ ability to stay calm in the face of nearly anything. Sirius looked like he wanted to argue and shout some more but instead he set his jaw and squinted at Remus. Finally he stated, “I’m going to go take care of Buckbeak,” before stomping out of the room. 

Tonks let out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “Well that was less painful than I thought,” she said, trying to sound cheery. She picked up several slices of bacon and shoved them in her mouth in order to sedate her angry stomach and stop herself from saying anything stupid. 

Remus turned to face her, smiling tiredly. “Sirius has always been a hot head. All that time in Azkaban hasn’t made it any better.” He frowned. “But I honestly think he’s trying. I didn’t think he was going to stop on my first attempt to pacify him.” 

Tonks nodded between bites of toast. 

Remus seemed to decide it was best to leave her to her breakfast and silently began clearing the table of the leftovers from his and Sirius’ meal. 

With Remus preoccupied, Tonks no longer felt the pressure to respond and felt it was safe to slow down and enjoy the remainder of her breakfast. It would give her time to think about what to do next without fear of choking to death. Sirius was unlikely to want company for a while and she realized she had no idea what Remus’ schedule was for the day. Actually I don’t even know my schedule for the day.

“Remus did anyone drop off the schedule for this week’s missions?” Tonks asked, joining him at the sink with her empty plate. 

Remus took her plate and added it to the pile he was already washing. “No. I suppose no one thought to bring it to us again.” 

“Well guess that means we get the week off!” Tonks announced. She stretched her arms behind her head and did a little spin. “Oh I wish.” 

Remus rinsed his hands of soapy water before giving her his full attention. He smiled at her antics and then gave her a long contemplative look. “Your hair is brown,” he said, reaching up to wrap a short lock around his finger. 

She hadn’t taken any time to look at her appearance before heading downstairs this morning. She had been too worried about how Sirius was going to react to his undelivered letter. Thinking on it now, it was strange that she had done that. With all of her previous partners, she’d never go in looking natural if she could help it. She was careful to always project what she thought they would want or at the very least try to have some consistency to avoid the awkward conversations about why or how her looks changed. It had been a long time since she had put much thought into how she ought to look for Remus and Sirius. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d snuck away to find a reflection in order to shape herself up. 

“I guess I was worried about Sirius,” she replied. She didn’t want to move away, even if this wasn’t her first choice of topic for conversation. Remus still had his hand in her hair and she didn’t want to discourage him.  
Remus smiled again and released her hair, cupping her face instead. She peered into his eyes, feeling she finally understood the phrase “ getting lost in your eyes” when he kissed her, gently but firmly. She leaned into him and his arms moved to her back, holding her steady. 

He pulled away and she blinked at him blearily. “It’s pink now,” his voice sounded satisfied. 

“Mmhhmm,” was the best she could do. 

He blushed a little and stammered, “Would you--- is it okay if I ask-- ask for you to make it a bit longer?”

It took her a moment to realize he meant her hair. She took a step back and concentrated for a moment. Her hair, now a vibrant pink, began snaking down her back. She stopped when it reached her mid back. “Is this how you like it?” she asked. 

His blush deepened. “You look beautiful no matter what your hair looks like,” he replied. 

“But you like it better when it’s longer?” she asked, curious. Then she grinned, “Is that why Sirius hasn’t cut his?” 

Remus looked nearly petrified. She gave him a wink and wiggled closer. 

“I just like to-- I think it’s nice to grip it when I kiss you,” he replied in a rush. 

“Oh? Well it’s long now so why don’t you?” she teased. 

“Kiss you?” he asked, a bit confused. Perhaps it wasn’t fair teasing him this much. 

“Please.” 

He entwined his fingers in her long, pink hair and pulled her mouth gently to his. He kissed her softly at first but then he seemed to get past his own better judgement and began kissing her earnestly, pressing into her. She backed into the counter and giggled in surprise. Remus would not be deterred, however, and lifted her up onto the counter and continued snogging her. 

“You really like long hair,” Tonks gasped when they stopped for air.

Remus just smiled and kissed her again. His hands moved to her waist and then under her shirt to massage one of her breasts. His mouth moved down to her neck, trailing kisses from her ear to her collar bone. Tonks arched her neck back to facilitate. 

“Oh dear me! Sorry for interrupting!” A voice, that was most certainly not Sirius’ called out from the kitchen entryway.   
Tonks tried to casually slide off the counter and away from Remus thinking perhaps they could still play innocent, but all bets were off when she misjudged the spacing and fell sideways hurtling towards the floor. Remus, who still had his hand on the inside of her shirt, managed to slow her down before she bashed her head on the floor by grabbing a hold of the front of her bra. Miraculously, she was able to get her feet under her and bounce back up to a standing position, but not before their unexpected guest had gotten a premium view of furiously blushing Remus detaching his hand from beneath her shirt. 

“Just stopped by to drop off the schedule,” Arthur Weasley said entirely too loudly. He waved the parchment in the air in front of him but was staring pointedly in the opposite direction. 

Sirius appeared in the doorway behind Arthur. He seemed to take in the scene at once. His face broke into a wicked smile and he motioned at Tonks with his shirt. She stared at the two men in the doorway in a stupor but Remus must have noticed Sirius’ signal as he swiftly moved around to block Tonks from their view. “Your shirt,” he whispered. 

She looked down, realizing that her t-shirt had not quite fallen back into place after Remus had let her go. The material was still bunched up over her chest, baring one half of her bra. “Oh!” she exclaimed, hastily pulling it down. Remus seemed unable to meet her eyes as he turned back to face Arthur and Sirius. Tonks could feel the heat of her own blush now. If she hadn’t known any better, she’d had thought she had set the kitchen on fire again.

“Lovely to see you, Arthur,” Remus said in a mostly even voice. 

Sirius strode cheerily into the room. Tonks wondered if he’d start whistling. “I’ll make some tea! Unless you want something stronger Arthur?” 

“Oh no. Still off to work. Just stopped by to give you this,” he said shaking the paper once more. 

“Thank you,” Remus replied as he crossed the room to take the schedule.

Arthur gave him a huge smile and shook Remus’ hand enthusiastically. “I’m so happy for you Remus!” He turned to look at Tonks, “And you as well Tonks! Couldn’t have happened to better people!” 

“We--” Remus started but Arthur cut him off.

“Well I suppose I do owe Molly a galleon though! She was sure it was Tonks but I actually-- well I thought it was Sirius! But I guess Bill had the right of it then!” 

A burst of laughter escaped Tonks lips at this statement. She knew it was poor timing but she couldn’t help herself, the anxiety and the irony were both getting to her. Arthur and Remus were both staring at her. Remus with a look of immense confusion and Arthur with bemusement. 

Sirius gave her a little push toward Remus. “Yes sorry Arthur. I should have warned you. Right little honeymooners these two. You never know when you are going to walk into a room and find them locked in passionate embrace.”

Remus nervously took Tonk’s hand and glared daggers at Sirius. Arthur’s face had gone as red as his hair. “I am sorry for intruding. I promise you Tonks, I didn’t see anything.” Unsure what else to do, Tonks gave him a quick nod. 

“Well we don’t want to make you late for work Arthur,” Sirius replied, putting a friendly arm around Arthur and steering him back toward the hallway. “Besides, it sounds like you might need to make a stop at Gringotts to get Molly that extra Galleon.”


	11. Chapter 11

Tonks and Remus stood in the middle of the kitchen, hands still linked, neither quite knowing what to say or do. Tonks strained to hear Sirius making small talk with Arthur on the way down the hall. She heard them both laugh before the sound of the door opening and closing. Remus’ hand seemed to twitch in her own. 

“Well that was entertaining,” Sirius announced matter of factly as he reentered the kitchen. 

This seemed to pull Remus back to the moment. He dropped Tonks’ hand and turned his back to them both, presumably to collect himself. 

“I’m not sure entertaining is the word I would use,” Tonks replied cheekily. Sirius smiled widely.

“You could have given us a warning,” Remus said. He was staring at Sirius with a disgruntled look. 

“How was I supposed to know you two were too caught up in your lust to hear their was someone at the door,” Sirius replied. Tonks felt certain he was trying to hold back laughter. “Really of any of us to get caught, I wouldn’t have bet on you two.”

Remus did not look amused. 

“Well I would have never expected Arthur Weasly to be on the list of people to see me without a shirt,” Tonks added, hoping to lighten the mood. 

“I’ll have you know Tonks that Arthur happens to be quite smooth. It’s not for nothing that he has so many kids,” Sirius teased. 

Tonks shook her head in an exaggerated manner and pushed playfully at Sirius’ shoulder. He grabbed her arm and pulled her close, snickering. She thought he was about to kiss her but Remus interrupted them. 

“You know by the next Order meeting everyone is going to know, or think they know about Tonks and me?” he asked in a concerned voice. 

Sirius didn’t let go of Tonks’ arm but turned to address Remus, “Let them. We know the truth. That’s all that matters.” He moved to pull Tonks in for a kiss again but Remus moved toward them and grabbed her other arm. 

“Boys no need to fight over me! Plenty to go around,” Tonks joked, attempting to break the tension. 

Remus pulled her gently to the side of Sirius so that all three of them were facing each other. “Is that how you feel too Tonks?” he asked. 

She felt put on the spot. Truthfully she hadn’t thought much about the idea of having their relationship public. With Sirius still being the number one most wanted wizard in the country it had never seemed to be an option in the first place. “I suppose… well it is easier to just let people think what they will, isn’t it?”

Remus’ face fell. “I suppose it is,” he replied, looking at his feet. Then he lifted his head to face them, his eyes alight with passion, “but that doesn’t bother either of you?”

Sirius was uncharacteristically quiet. Tonks gave Remus a supportive smile. “I guess I haven’t thought much about it. None of my relationships have ever really been this important or lasted very long. I’ve never been to the point where I really had to start thinking about it.”

Remus looked at Sirius impatiently. “You already know how I feel Moony. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what we do.”

“Well it bothers me,” Remus replied. “I don’t think we should be ashamed.”

Sirius lifted an eyebrow, “Remus, I feel that’s just a bit ironic coming from you.” 

Tonks ungracefully elbowed Sirius in the stomach in a poor attempt to signal him to stop talking. Both men ignored it. 

“Lycanthropy is different than a non-traditional relationship,” Remus hissed. 

“I’m just saying that it’s sort of foolish to have no shame about our relationship when you are still ashamed of yourself and think we shouldn’t lower ourselves to be with you,” Sirius needled. 

Tonks thought Remus looked like he would like nothing better than to smack Sirius across the face. “You are conflating the issues! And I’m not ashamed of myself-- ”

Sirius burst out laughing and Tonks gasped. “Really Remus? How long did it take you to even touch your girlfriend?” 

“Sirius! That’s not fair!” Tonks shouted, jerking her arm away from him. 

“You are just trying to change the subject Padfoot,” Remus replied coolly. The two men glared at each other for a long moment. 

“Well I’m okay either way,” Tonks replied, her voice sounding artificially high to her own ears. “I’m fine with the other Order members knowing or not.” 

Remus broke eye contact with Sirius and turned to look at Tonks, “I don’t think we have much of a choice now, at least when it comes to me and you. I love Molly dearly but she is a terrible gossip when it comes to things like this, and since Sirius really encouraged the wrong idea with Arthur--”

“Encouraged? He walked in on you with your hand up her shirt and your tongue down her throat. Doesn’t take much encouragement for him to figure it out!” Sirius interjected. 

“Fine! Well my point was that everyone is going to think Tonks and I are together. So our options are to either let people think that or correct them,” Remus spit back. 

“I just don’t see the point in correcting them. Why invite all their opinions? You know hardly any of them are going to be accepting,” Sirius replied hotly. 

“The point is that I want to have both my partners recognized!” Remus shouted back. 

Sirius seemed taken aback by Remus’ admission. He paused for a long moment, no longer looking angry. “You can’t always have what you want,” he finally replied quietly. 

Tonks gave them both a searching look. “Remus, I think maybe Sirius is right. People are not going to accept our relationship easily. I don’t think we should hide forever, but maybe now is not the best time to come out about it. Especially since Sirius’ name hasn’t been cleared yet.”

Remus looked from Sirius to Tonks and back again, his eyes sad and soulful. “Sirius, you are really fine with everyone thinking I’m dating just Tonks?”

“The best lies are partly true,” he replied. 

Remus gave him another lingering look. “Fine. But I want you to know if it were up to me, I’d be telling everyone about both of you.” 

He turned and marched out of the kitchen leaving Tonks alone with Sirius, who was staring at the doorway with his arms crossed. “He can be so naive,” he announced, turning to look at her. “He still believes love can conquer all and all that rubbish.” When she didn’t reply he added, “No one is going to accept me and him being together. They might hold their tongues because of Dumbledore but it’s not going to be winning us any friends. And Molly alone is going to have a fit of historic proportions when she finds out we’ve involved you in it. I can already hear her shouting about how I’ve corrupted you.” 

Tonks gave him a curt smile. “I can handle Molly you know.”

“The last time you upset her, you hid in a broom closet,” he pointed out.

“Oh you know that was mostly an attempt to get in Remus’ pants,” Tonks replied with a wink. 

Sirius smiled briefly. “Still, it’s just not worth the headache. And what’s the point? It’s not like we are ever going to have anything resembling a normal relationship while I’m still trapped in this fucking house.” His smile faded to a frown at the mention of his imprisonment. “Remus will get over it.” 

Tonks nodded and drifted toward the table, hoping to use the Order mission schedule as an excuse to end the conversation. She wasn’t fully sure how she felt about the matter yet and felt a change in subject was in order. “Oy Remus must have taken the schedule with him!” She gave an exaggerated sigh. She had wanted to give Remus some time to cool off but she really did need to check the schedule in case she had an Order obligation tonight. 

“He’ll be in the library. He always is when he’s sulking,” Sirius said in a bored voice, as if he didn’t really care where Remus was or what he was doing. Tonks knew better. 

She blew Sirius an exaggerated kiss before making her way to the library. 

Sirius knew Remus well she thought when she encountered the closed door of the library. It was only ever closed when Remus wanted to be left alone for research or sulking. She knocked lightly.

“Yes?” Remus called out. He sounded annoyed. 

She pushed the door open as quietly as possible. “Sorry to be a bother but I think you took the schedule with you,” she replied. 

He looked down at a pile of parchments that were stacked in a half-hazard pile in front of him. “Oh sorry,” he replied, plucking up one of the sheets and holding it out to her. “You don’t have anything tonight, if you were wondering. I checked.” 

“Thanks,” she answered, taking the schedule. Nothing today, but plenty the rest of the week she observed. 

“Tonks,” Remus nearly whispered. She looked up from the parchment to meet his eyes. “I am sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that.”

She smiled at him. It was hard for her to be upset with Remus, especially when he always seemed to look at her like she could do no wrong. “It’s fine, really. It’s not like we expected Arthur to walk in on us. It was all rather unexpected.”

“I know Sirius is probably right for now. I just hate how cynical he is about it,” he paused, shuffling his papers. “And honestly I know he says he doesn’t care what people think, but I worry he’s going to be upset if people start treating us like we are a couple and he’s left out.”

Tonks ambled into the room and took a seat next to Remus. She put her hand on top of his to stop his anxious paper ruffling. 

He looked up at her. “He can be so immature sometimes. I know it’s not all his fault. He’s lost so much time in Azkaban and honestly he’s never worked through all his feelings about James and Lily. And it’s not like he has ever had a real relationship before that either…”

Tonks laced her fingers through his. “I think we are all a bit new to this. This is just about the longest I’ve ever made it in a relationship without plotting my escape,” she joked. “Really I think maybe someday I might even tell my parents about you.”

Remus gave her such an anxious look she couldn’t help but laugh. “Not anytime soon mind you! Mum’s not going to be enthused about two boyfriends, especially not two that are also dating each other and Dad’s a muggle born so he’s probably going to have a lot of concerns about the whole cousins thing. And that’s not even getting into lycanthropy and how it is actually my job to arrest Sirius... Still I haven’t even ever considered telling them about anyone in my love life before.”

Remus put his head in his free hand. “Well when you put it like that, who can wait?” 

Tonks chuckled, pulling his hand away from his face. “My point is I am really serious about this relationship!” Remus smiled and kissed her hand. “So someday when the time is right, I do want to tell the world, or at least the important people.” 

Remus gave her a lingering look, then suddenly he pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, “You always make me feel better.” 

“Glad to be of service,” she replied, hugging his arms tightly to her. “I think Sirius is just frustrated. I think talking about this just reminds him that he’s stuck here and he has no idea when that will change.”

He nuzzled the back of her neck, “You are right, love. I wish there was something more we could do.”

“I guess we’ll just have to keep shagging him to distraction,” she replied with a giggle. 

“It’s not the worst idea,” Remus replied warmly.


	12. Chapter 12

As Remus had predicted, it had taken only a few days before the news of Tonks and Remus’ relationship to spread throughout the Order. The very next day Kingsley had teased Tonks about it while out on patrol. She had chosen to pretend like she hadn’t heard him but judging by his knowing smile she assumed her furious blushing had given it away. 

Two days later Emmeline congratulated Tonks on her new relationship. “Well it was about time one of you made a move. Honestly even Moody could tell you had a thing for each other,” she confided with a wink. Tonks cringed inwardly, wondering just how obviously desperate she had been that even her famously unempathetic mentor had picked up on it. 

By the end of the week, even Mundungus seemed to know. He stopped in to bring the newest iteration of the mission schedule and seemed disappointed to not find Remus and Tonks embroiled in the throes of passion. When Sirius invited him to stay for a drink, he made increasingly lewd implicating comments culminating in a declaration of Remus manly prowess. “Right lucky you are Remus. Tonks, here is a real looker!” he exclaimed excitedly, patting a very uncomfortable Remus vigorously on the back. Sirius failed utterly in containing his laughter, while Tonks pursed her lips and reminded herself that Dumbledore would not appreciate her lighting Mundungus on fire. 

“Well you really called that one,” Sirius admitted to Remus after finally escorting Mundungus to the front door. “Didn’t take Molly anytime at all to spread the knowledge of your blessed union.”

Tonks narrowed her eyes, “I’ve got it on good authority that it was actually Arthur who told Kingsley.” She buried her face in her hands. She really hoped that was all he had told him. She really didn’t need half the Auror department teasing her about her choice of bra color. 

Remus looked up briefly from his reading, “And there is an Order meeting tomorrow night. Hagrid is finally back and ready to give us the full briefing of his trip.” 

Tonks, hopeful for a change in subject, took the seat next to Remus. “Oh good. I was really starting to worry about him.”

Sirius dropped into another empty seat. “Well what are you two going to do?” he asked, completely ignoring Tonks’ perfectly timed segue. 

Remus put down the parchment he’d been reading and faced Sirius. “I thought we had already decided what we were going to do? Besides, it's going to be hard to deny it at this point. Unless you changed your mind about leaving yourself out of it?”

Tonks leaned back in her chair, staring up at the ceiling. Was it too much to expect to avoid this awkward minefield of a conversation? 

“No. I haven’t,” Sirius replied, his arms crossed. “What I meant was are you going to hold hands and be generally embarassing or are you going to try to play it cool?”

Tonks returned her chair back to the floor, staring at the two of them. The intensity of their eye contact made her feel as if they had forgotten she was even there. 

She thought about nonchalantly clearing her throat but before she could Remus turned to her. “We haven’t really talked about it yet,” he replied. 

Now they were both focused on her and she couldn’t think of a thing to say in reply. Her mind had betrayed her with blankness. “Err whatever your comfortable with,” she managed. 

Per the usual, Sirius looked like he was about to start laughing. Remus gave her a small smile. “It’s not like we need to plot out the whole night anyways. Really the focus will be on the meeting and Hagrid.”

“Good luck with that,” Sirius replied cheekily as he stood up and exited toward the hall. “I suppose I should go find that useless house elf to get this place looking presentable for tomorrow. I haven’t seen him clean a thing in days.” 

Remus tentatively put his hand over hers on top the table. “He’s just being an arse. Really love we don’t have to make a big thing out of it.” 

She smiled at him, enjoying the way he now casually touched her like this. “I think it would be okay if we held hands. If you want to!” she added in a rush. 

He tucked his free hand beneath her chin and traced the line of her jaw this is thumb. “Sounds lovely.” 

She leaned forward into his touch but he withdrew both his hands. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to get going.” 

She nodded in understanding, hoping her disappointment wasn’t obvious. “Of course. Me too honestly.”

They both got to their feet. She lingered, awkwardly wondering if she should or could kiss him goodbye. She wasn’t even sure why she was feeling so uncomfortable. Somehow with the new public element of their relationship, she felt more pressure, more expectation to conform to the traditional roles of a romantic relationship. Roles she had never felt fit. 

With minimal hesitation, Remus reached out and pulled her close to him. He held her firmly and whispered in her ear, “Are you okay? You look upset.”

She squeezed him tightly and hid her face against his chest. “I’m fine really. It’s nothing.” 

Gently he pulled her back to look into her eyes. “It seems like it’s something.” 

She stamped her feet and took a big breath. “I’m just freaking out a little. I’ve never had a public relationship before. I mean to say I’ve never introduced a lover to anyone I know. I mean… I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m terrified.” She was staring very hard at her feet now. She hadn’t quite meant to share that much. 

Remus pulled her close again. “Me either. Until very recently, I’ve never had anyone to introduce someone too.”

His admission made her feel like an ungrateful child. Of course as a lifelong sufferer of lycanthropy whose only friends were murdered or imprisoned at the tender age of twenty one when would he have ever had the mundane experience of introducing a partner to his friends and coworkers? His anxiety was probably far greater than her own. “Remus, I’m sorry I didn’t think--”

He silenced her with a kiss. She was so startled it took her breath away. “Stop that. Don’t feel sorry for me. It’s no one’s fault. Besides life has gotten much better lately.”

She nodded again. Her face stern and certain. Remus didn’t want her pity. It was her love and support he was asking for. “Then we’ll do this for the first time together,” she assured him. 

He smiled before kissing her once more. This time she was prepared and returned his gesture with enthusiasm. When they parted for air, he attempted to pull away but she clung tighter. “I really do have to go,” he said breathlessly. 

She kissed him once more before finally releasing him. 

Despite his reassurance, she still worried about the meeting for the rest of the day and most of the next as well. Sirius didn’t miss a chance to tease her about it which only served to put her more on edge. 

Due to the mismatched nature of their schedules she didn’t see Remus again until just a half an hour before the meeting. By then she felt like she was walking on a thin high wire like the Muggles at the circus. 

She had gotten off work late and was rushing to try to squeeze in a shower before the meeting started. She burst through the bedroom door only to walk in on Remus and Sirius in naked but passionate embrace. “Sorry!” she shouted, slamming the door shut out of instinct before realizing that in this particular situation such a reaction didn’t make any sense. 

She slumped against the wall giving into some embarrassed anxious laughter. A moment later Sirius was standing stark naked in the doorway. “Are you having a fit?” he asked. 

She looked at him and only began to laugh harder. Remus appeared behind him in the doorway, looking concerned. 

Sirius took Tonks by the hand and pulled her into the room, “We don’t have time for this. Whatever this is,” he said not unkindly, gesturing to her shaking form. 

She stumbled to the bed and managed to slow her giggling long enough to explain herself. “I’m sorry-- I just-- panicked,” she gasped between laughs. “It was so stupid.”

Sirius stared at her in contemplation for a moment before replying, “Well do want to join us then?” Remus was looking sheepish in the background. 

“Oh no. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she said regaining her composure. “I need to get cleaned up before the meeting.” 

“Well if you don’t mind, we are going to get back to it then,” he replied pulling Remus back toward the bed with him. 

Remus went willingly but paused briefly to ask Tonks, “Are you sure you are okay?”

She got to her feet and smoothed down the front of her robes. “I’m fine, promise. Have fun!” She quickly collected some clean clothes from her pile on top of the dresser. “See you in a few,” she called out as she hurried out the door. 

Twenty minutes later she was feeling a little less agitated and a lot less of a mess as she met Remus at the top of the stairs. She could hear Sirius greeting someone downstairs in the foyer though she couldn’t make out who. 

Remus gave her an embarrassed smile and offered her his hand. “Ready?” he asked. 

“As I’ll ever be!” she replied. She didn’t think this could be that much more embarrassing or awkward than her earlier giggle fit.

They descended the stairs hand in hand.

“Oh but you do make a handsome couple!” Dedalus exclaimed in greeting. 

Remus nodded in reply and Tonks smiled. 

“Well I must be heading in already. I want to make sure I get a good seat. Hagrid’s a lovely fellow but he often forgets most of us can not see past him!” Dedalus explained as he scurried into the kitchen. 

“Sorry Dedalus, no dinner tonight but the house elf should be serving drinks,” Sirius called after him. Then he turned to Tonks and Remus. “Ah the lovebirds,” he chided. “There are plenty of open seats in the back in case you want to snog during the boring bits.” He winked.

Tonks could feel Remus bristling but before he could respond the doorbell rang again. “Duty calls!” Sirius cried and left them alone in the hall. 

“I can’t tell if he’s pissed off or enjoying himself,” Remus said quietly. 

“Maybe a bit of both?” Tonks replied, squeezing his hand. 

Remus sighed. “Well shall we go take a seat?”

Tonks nodded. They began to move toward the kitchen but were interrupted by angry voices. 

“I assure you Black I can find my own way to the kitchen,” Severus Snape bellowed in his usual caustic tone. 

“I’m just making sure you don’t get grease on any of the wall hangings,” Sirius ribbed in reply. 

“Oh not him,” Remus whispered, pulling Tonks back up the stairs in a useless attempt to avoid the man. 

“Well what is this then?” Snape asked in mock confusion. “A little young for you isn’t she Lupin?”

Remus gave up his escape attempt and turned to face him. Snape had a vile smile on his face. The corners of his mouth curled even more as he looked from Remus to Sirius and back again. “Or is she just the poor substitute for what you really lust after? The two of you are cousins aren’t you?” he asked addressing Tonks and Sirius. 

“Oh shut it Snape!” Sirius replied lazily. “You are just jealous Remus’ has got a girlfriend and you don’t. There’s the door.” he pointed toward the kitchen. Snape left in a huff, apparently bereft of a snarky comeback for once. “Can’t believe that worked. I was sure he’d have something else to say,” Sirius cheered. He lowered his voice and added, “If only he knew what we were doing half an hour ago.” He laughed heartily as he headed back to the front door. 

“Let’s go before we get caught up with anyone else,” Tonks suggested and Remus eagerly complied. 

The kitchen was about half full when they entered. Tonks noticed Dedalus sitting in a front row seat, happily sipping a glass of brandy next to a sleeping Mundungus who was uncharacteristically early. Snape and Minerva were both shuffling around piles of parchment at the head table. Kingsley was standing at the far end of the room speaking animatedly with Moody, Arthur and Molly. 

Remus guided her toward the empty corner in the back but before they reached their refuge, Molly turned to face them. The rest also turned to look and Kingsley trailed off in the middle of his sentence. He gave Tonks the slightest of winks and Moody gave one solemn nod as if to show his approval. Arthur was avoiding Tonks’ eyes, his face a rosy pink. Tonks felt her own face resonating in response. 

Molly motioned toward them with a look of such glee Tonks worried she might burst into tears. She noticed the brief look of vexation on Remus’ face before it was replaced with a shy smile. 

“Oh my dears,” Molly gushed. “I’m just so happy for the two of you!” She couldn’t help herself from patting Remus on the arm affectionately. Remus’ cheeks were the same shade of pink as Arthur’s now and Tonks wondered if the three of them matched. 

“Molly, darling, you are embarrassing them,” Arthur said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Oh no I’m not!” she exclaimed, shaking a hand to dismiss him. Kingsley looked to be trying very hard to not snicker. 

“Yes, yes we are all quite happy for you but don’t let your relationship get in the way of your duty. These things have a way of being a distraction,” Moody chimed in. He eyed Tonks appraisingly with both eyes. Tonks blushed as she remembered a similar lecture she’d received from him after she had accidentally taken out a chunk of his wooden leg with an errant spell during a practice session because Allison had blown her a kiss. 

“Oh come on Moody, we are all professionals here,” Kingsley replied. Tonks would have to remember to thank him later. 

“Of course. We would never let our feelings for each other blind us from the importance of the Order’s work,” Remus replied dropping Tonks’ hand. 

Tonks nodded fiercely in agreeance, though she regretted that they were no longer touching. 

“Of course!” Molly echoed. “Moody that’s not even a question.” She gave Tonks a reassuring smile. 

Moody gave a non-commital grunt. 

“Oh here is Hagrid and Dumbledore!” Arthur gestured to the front of the room where Dumbledore had taken his customary seat and Hagrid was perched rather uncomfortably on the largest chair in the house which was still a few sizes too small for his large frame. 

The group drifted away to their seats. Remus took Tonks’ hand again and ushered her to the emptiest corner of the room. “Well that wasn’t too bad,” he whispered to her as they took their seats. “Although you will have to tell me later why Alastor felt it necessary to remind you to keep things professional,” he teased.

“Oh that’s an embarrassing story. Not a high point for me,” Tonks replied, wrinkling her nose. 

Sirius took a seat next to her. “What’s embarrassing?” he asked.

“Later,” Remus replied, turning to face the front of the room where Dumbledore was calling the meeting to order. 

Sirius rolled his eyes before also focusing on Hagrid who was now recounting his journey to meet the Giants.


	13. Chapter 13

The rest of the meeting was uneventful. Hagrid’s tale filled in a lot of missing information but ultimately didn’t change the Order’s current situation. The Giants had refused any alliance with Dumbledore or the Order and so they were back at square one. The remainder of the session had consisted of monotonous check ins about various key Death Eaters of interest. Tonks had the feeling that they either knew they were being trailed or had made the assumption as not a one of them had done anything worthy of note for the past several weeks. Dumbledore had assured everyone that this meant their tactics were working if it stopped the other side from recruiting. Regardless, it made for a very long and boring meeting. 

By the time the end of the meeting was called, Tonks was so far gone she hadn’t even noticed until Remus and Sirius got to their feet on either side of her. “Well that was pretty useless,” Sirius whispered, stretching his arms above his head. 

“It wasn’t useless,” Remus countered. “Tedious but not useless.” 

Tonks sprung to her feet, realizing she was now the only person still seated. She misjudged her own momentum and would have ended up sprawled on the floor if Sirius hadn’t caught her by the arm. She swore he hadn’t even looked. Perhaps they had spent enough time together now that he could predict when her lack of coordination would strike. He helped her to balance herself before releasing her arm. 

“Fine useful but torturously boring,” Sirius replied without missing a beat. 

“Well at least it is over now!” Tonks replied cheerily. 

It was a week night so most of the other Order members failed to linger long after the conclusion. Only Mundungus loitered, most likely hoping to be invited for a nightcap. When Sirius started levitating the tables back to their original locations, he seemed to give up, muttering a short goodbye as he headed toward the front door. 

Tonks hummed to herself as she assisted Sirius and Remus in tidying up by washing the dirty mugs and glasses left in the wake of the Order’s departure. Despite the tiresome content of the actual meeting, she felt the night had gone particularly well. Sure Molly had made a fuss and Moody had made a lesson of it but those reactions were almost to be expected. For the most part her and Remus’ relationship had been accepted unconditionally. Looking back she wasn’t even sure why she had been so anxious in the first place. 

“These are the last I think,” Remus said, placing a stack of glasses in the sink. “Sirius is just getting the last of the furniture back in place.”

Tonks rinsed her hands and turned to face him, smiling, “Good we can relax then.”

Remus shrugged apologetically, “Not me unfortunately. I have hall duty tonight.”  
Tonks pouted, “You think since they all know we are together now, they’d be kind enough to give us a night off together once in a while.”

Remus smiled and brushed a clump of stray hair out of her face. “I’ve got to get going,” he said. “Tell Sirius I said goodnight.” He leaned in to kiss her briefly. “Good night, love.”

“We’ll miss you tonight,” she replied as he left. 

She glared at the remaining dishes, wondering if it was worth attempting a cleaning spell or if she should just hand wash them. 

“Just leave them for Kreacher,” Sirius said from directly behind her. She hadn’t even noticed him enter the room. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck. “We’ve got better things to do,” he added, snaking his arms around her waist and grazing the crook of her shoulder with his teeth. She shivered. 

“I confess, I wasn’t sure how to feel tonight. I think I was jealous but I’m not sure of which of you,” his hands drifted upward, beneath her shirt and he began kissing the back of her neck. “I wanted you both but the thought of you together was almost as enticing.”

She felt like she must be melting, her skin was so hot and her legs felt shaky. “Remus had to go,” she managed. “Hall d-duty.” 

Sirius snickered at her stutter. “Just you and me then for now.” He twirled her around in one swift movement and brought their lips together. 

She had little recollection of how the made it upstairs, just blurred impressions of his hot mouth on her, first her mouth then her neck and other lower places. His firm arms had supported her most of the way. They had crashed through the door in a state of mostly undress. 

He had pushed her down on the bed rather roughly, ripping at the remainder of her clothing. She scratched at him and he bit her, resulting in a deep moan. He seemed to have no restraint left. He pulled her hair and kissed her with such ferocity she felt he needed her more than air in that moment. 

When he finally entered her she came so hard she would have fallen off the bed had he not been holding her. 

Afterwards they fell apart panting, too hot and sweaty to comfortably touch. 

“Holy mother of Merlin,” she gasped. 

“That was quite good if I do say so,” he replied with a smirk.   
They laid in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the post coidal bliss. 

Finally Tonks’ rolled closer, laying her head on his chest. She felt his body tense so she moved to kiss him, much more gently than before. 

He pushed her back, “I’m going to need a little more recovery time than that,” he said. 

Tonks rolled on her side and gave him a quizzical look. “I’m quite satisfied. I- I just wanted to kiss you.”

He looked confused and uncomfortable at her response. She contemplated him, equally confused by his response. It then occurred to her that she could not recall very many instances of them kissing outside of sexual encounters.

All at once she realized her mistake. “Oh,” she whispered. “I- I’m sorry,” she replied quickly looking down at the sheets. She must have misunderstood the nature of their relationship. Remus was in love with her. Sirius she didn’t doubt loved her in his own way, but perhaps he was not in love with her, not in the way she was suddenly realizing she was in love with him. 

“Oh. I’m so stupid,” she muttered, curling her knees to her chest. When Sirius had first proposed a three way relationship, she had taken that as an invitation to a true relationship with both Remus and himself. But in hindsight, what he had really offered was a relationship with Remus and sex with him. Sirius most likely viewed their arrangement as friends with benefits. She only wished she had realized this before she had allowed herself to fall for him. Though with her track record that probably won’t have made a difference. 

It was only now that she was faced with the rejection of her affection that she realized how truly deep her love for him had developed. 

“Stupid?” he asked. His voice sounded tight. 

She looked over at him. “I didn’t realize that you don’t feel the same way.”

She noticed that he was breathing hard. The look on his face was akin to terror. He looked away. 

“I’m sorry. I guess I thought we were more than just friends who enjoy shagging,” she continued. “So I overstepped bounds.”

Sirius remained quiet and turned away for so long she wondered if she should make up an excuse to flee the room. Finally he rolled onto his back. Still not looking at her, he spoke, “Tonks I’m too fucked up to deal with this. Remus is the one you want for all this emotional shit.”

She hadn’t realized the intensity of her emotional reaction and she was as surprised as Sirius was when she burst into tears. Sirius jumped up to a seating position and pulled her close. “Fuck Tonks, please don’t cry. I’m not worth all that.”

This comment only made her sob harder. Sirius held her tightly and rocked her gently back and forth against his chest. 

“I-I-I don’t even know why I’m crying!” she bawled. 

She attempted to pull away from him but he held her firm. “Look, I don’t do emotions well,” he explained through gritted teeth. “That doesn’t mean I don’t … care for you.”

Tonks sniffed and cleared her throat. “Sirius, I love you,” she said into his chest. “I’m in love with you. Like I love Remus.”

He squeezed her tighter and rested his chin on her head. “I know, love.” Then he pulled her back from his chest and wiped at her tears. He kissed her softly, easing her back down onto the bed. When the kiss ended her pulled her flush to his chest once more. “I’m shit at showing it but I feel the same,” he whispered. 

“Really?” she asked, her voice muffled by her proximity. She had the horrible thought that perhaps he was just trying to placate her to get her to stop crying. 

He sighed deeply. “Yes really. I suppose you won’t believe me until I say it.” He put his hand under her chin and tilted it up until she was looking into his eyes. “Tonks I love you. I am in love with you.” 

She smiled and felt more tears welling up, but this time they were the result of relief and happiness. She kissed him again, deeply, hoping that he could feel the sincerity of her feelings for him. 

When they stopped, he looked away but didn’t move. “I’ll tell you what I told Remus. I’m fucked up. I will fuck up. But I’m trying,” he paused for a long moment. “That’s all I’ve got.”

“It’s enough,” she answered. She moved her head down to rest on his chest and he ran his fingers through her hair until she fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Tonks awoke to Sirius attempting to move her off of his chest and onto her pillow. “Oh sorry I must have dozed off,” she said, sitting up. 

“I took it as a complement really,” Sirius joked. “I figured the sex was that good.” 

She nudged him playfully. “You would think that,” she replied with an exaggerated sigh. He gave her his most charming smile. 

She yawned and stretched her arms in a wide circle. She hoped that the intensity of their earlier conversation wouldn’t make the remainder of the night awkward. “The night is still young!” She sang out, even though she actually had no idea what time it was. “What shall we do?” 

She had expected an innuendo but Sirius had fallen uncharacteristically quiet. She would even dare describe his look as contemplative. 

He took a deep breath and took her hands in his. “I want to ask a favor of you,” he began. His tone was so sincere it took her by surprise. She nodded for him to continue. He looked down and said his next words to her hands, “I just really need to go out. Just for a little bit. Just an hour even.” He looked up at her, looking almost afraid. 

She watched him appraisingly. He was being very straight forward with her in this moment, which she appreciated. Normally when Sirius wanted something he would either just take it or attempt to talk, tease or cajole someone into doing it. The fact he was being honest about what he wanted and asking her to participate instead of trying to manipulate her into it made her feel that he truly trusted her. She felt he understood the weight of what he was asking.

“Sirius, that’s a big risk,” she answered carefully.

“That’s why I won’t go alone,” he replied. He looked at her pleadingly. “Please Tonks. I just need a break from this fucking house. Even an hour will make me feel loads better.”

She put her face in her hands to give herself a moment to decide how she wanted to respond to his request. Finally she moved her hands to look at him once more. She nervously bit her lip. “There has to be rules. Non-negotiable rules,” she replied. She felt her Auror training kicking in. “First off we need to go somewhere with lots of people. It’s got to be a Muggle place to reduce the risk of anyone recognizing you. The ministry has stopped bothering showing your face to the Muggles for over a year now.” 

She looked at him to make sure he was taking her seriously. He nodded his agreement so she continued, “Second no drinking. We need to stay aware and ready in case we need to make a quick escape.”

“Reasonable,” he replied. 

“Third, we do not leave each others sides. We have to have each other within reach at all times. Wands somewhere easily accessible and you have to be ready for my signal for apparition if anything goes wrong. Trust me, it’s better to disappear in front of a bunch of Muggles than to try to run or fight. Muggles accidently see apparition all the time, it’s hardly even citation worthy since we usually don’t even have to modify their memories to get them to dismiss it.” She tilted her head to examine him, then added, “And you are probably pretty rusty at it so you better let me guide you. I’ll bring us back right on the top step inside the Fidelius charm.” 

“What’s the signal?” he asked. 

“I’ll step on your toes and grab your elbows.” He raised his eyebrows skeptically. She shrugged and replied, “More contact makes guided apparition easier and if it’s this awkward I won’t do it by accident.” 

“Fair enough. Anything else?”

She was getting a thrill out of holding him captive. She so rarely felt like she was incharge being the youngest of the three of them and Sirius was often more than a little dominating. She was tempted to add a few more rules just to flex her new found power but kept herself in check. He was being very vulnerable with her right now and she didn’t want to do anything to betray his trust. “I think that should cover it. Where would you like to go?” 

“Well I since we aren’t drinking I suppose that rules out pubs. How about a Muggle club? We can go dancing I guess,” he replied. 

This was starting to sound like a proper date. She smiled. “Perfect cover,” she stated befor she jumped out of the bed to search through the dresser for something appropriately sexy. When she was satisfied with her outfit, her mini skirt and a purple halter top with a very deep vee, she turned to check on Sirius.

Tonks had always found Sirius to be attractive but she realized before tonight she had never seen him in prime form. With no opportunity to leave the house and very little motivation to put any effort into his appearance, Sirius had mostly lounged around in his old robes which hung baggy as he had never quite gained his weight back from his years in Azkaban. When it wasn’t robes it was threadbare t-shirts and old trousers. Tonight his usual wild tangle of hair was brushed and tied neatly back. He wore a slim fitting black button up with the top few buttons undone, revealing just a peek of his chest, and a pair of black jeans that Tonks had never seen before but thoroughly appreciated. 

“Wow. Anyone ever tell you that you clean up nice?” she asked jokingly. 

“I only dress like this for special occasions. I wouldn’t want to be distracting,” Sirius replied with a smirk. “I’m glad you like it,” he added. “You are looking pretty good yourself.”  
For once she didn’t blush. She merely nodded. “Okay, well I’m going to need to change my face and hair.” She took a deep breath and concentrated. She made her face a bit longer, her nose a bit sharper, her spiky pink hair changed to black and extended out and down to her mid back and her eyes faded to a light blue. “How’s this? Can you still tell it’s me?”

Sirius smiled and reached for her hand. “I can but I doubt anyone else can.” 

“Well I guess we best be on our way. We definitely want to be back well before daylight,” she said fidgeting with his hand. 

“I was never all that familiar with Muggle London and what I would know I’m sure has changed in the past fifteen years or so,” Sirius pointed out. 

“Oh right! Well I, err, I know a place,” she replied sheepishly.

“A place?” he asked with interest. 

“Don’t judge me but sometimes one night stands are easier with Muggles. I had a particular favorite spot to, uhh, meet people,” she explained. 

Sirius laughed, “So you’ve always been a right little nymph then? It’s not just me and Remus who bring it out in you?”

“Yes I’m afraid I was depraved before we met,” she replied with a wink. She pulled him toward the doorway and he followed, still holding her hand. 

When they were finally out the front door, Tonks grabbed his other hand, “Ready?”

“Ready.” He answered wrapping his arms around her. The bare skin on her shoulders tingled where his hands rested. She squeezed him tightly to her and pictured the dark alley a block and a half away from their destination. 

She felt the brief uncomfortable tightness of being squished through a space of nonexistence. On the other side the air was slightly more humid and she could smell the faint odor of exhaust that seemed to infiltrate the whole of proper Muggle London. 

“That was smooth,” Sirius said admiringly. Despite reaching their destination, he hadn’t yet let go of her. 

She felt her face heating up and decided to ignore his compliment. “Well, it's just a little walk from here,” she said, taking a step back from him but keeping her hand in his. This was the longest he had ever held her hand she observed. 

It was bitterly cold, even for mid November and few people were out on the streets. Tonks was beginning to regret her choice of outfit. Sirius was in high spirits, more alert than Tonks had seen him in months. He seemed to find delight in every store front they passed. Considering how gloomy and dim Grimmauld Place was, he was probably just appreciating seeing the full spectrum of colors for once. 

They could hear the baseline from the club music echoing through the empty street. The bouncer was the first person they encountered since their adventure began. He gave them a swift up and down look before shuffling aside to let them in. Sirius gave him a seductive smile and a cheeky pat to the bicep before following Tonks inside, laughing heartily. 

Inside it was warm and crowded. The music was chaotic but enjoyable. The lights were low, sporadically changing color in time with the beat. Tonks couldn’t help but start moving her body to the music. 

Sirius finally released her hand. He stood stock still beside her, taking in the scene. All around them people were dancing, a large mass in the center of the room where people were grinding against each other, some with glasses in hand. Some couples were apart from the central group, swaying and touching in more intimate ways. 

She worried that perhaps Sirius was overwhelmed. It must have been nearly fifteen years since he’d ever been in a crowd of strangers. But then he turned to her with a magnificent smile and pulled her closer as he began to move with the music too. 

“Music sure has changed,” he shouted so she could hear him over the noise. “I like it.” 

She smiled up at him and brought her arms to rest on his shoulders. He moved his hands down to her waist. “It’s a nice change of scenery,” he said into her ear. She shivered and he gripped her tighter. 

They danced away their hour, neither wanting it to end. It was one of the most sensual experiences Tonks had ever had. Though she had danced this way with many strangers and even with a few of her flings but never with someone she had genuinely loved. And it was intoxicating, in a strange way, to have Sirius so near, his hands roaming gently with measured restraint. Any of the other times they touched in this way it was inevitable it would end with a shag, but here with an audience and the risk of being caught, they could only go so far. She found it very erotic and judging by the strain Sirius was showing in attempting to keep his hand above her skirt so was he.

She of course was still aware that there was a bit of danger in their being out at all, though in her professional assessment it was minimal here in this Muggle venue. This was one of the last places anyone would think to look for Sirius Black, notorious Death Eater, and she was certain no one could have followed them as they had still been inside the Fidelius charm when they apparated. Still she was a top notch auror and she was keeping watch even though Sirius was doing his best to distract her. 

When the crowd started to thin, she leaned in close and whispered, “It’s time to go.” Sirius’ face fell but he didn’t object. He let his hands fall away from her and took a step back. She led the way back to the street. 

The ease at which he took her hand again gave her a thrill. “Let’s hurry home,” he said suggestively. She didn’t need any additional prompting. 

They reached the alley without incident and she took both his hands in hers and pulled them back to the top steps of Grimmauld Place. 

Sirius wasted no time in pulling her into the house, which elicited a giggle from her. As soon as the door was closed he was on her. She was squished between him and the wall, his hungry hot mouth on her own and his hands went to the places public decency had denied him moments before. When he pulled back from her it was only to whisper, “Thank you,” before he kissed her again. 

She thought he would have her right there in the hallway, inches away from the angry portrait of his mother, but then he did start pulling her down the hall, unwilling to leave much distance between them. She followed breathlessly. They had almost reached the stairs when he picked her up and sat her on a side table that was placed against the hall wall. “I can’t wait anymore,” he said, working to remove her boots. 

She smiled and began working on the buttons of his shirt. She reached up and pulled his hair out of its binding, letting it fall wildly around him, framing his face. He kissed her again, hard, her boots forgotten, one on the floor beneath them and the other still on her foot. She buried her hands in his hair. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Remus’ voice boomed out from the top of the stairs. He was peering down at them. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him so angry. 

Sirius took a step back from her to turn and face Remus. He still kept her hand in his. “We went out for an hour,” he said, nonchalantly. 

“You what?!” Remus was practically yelling now as he came down the stairs to confront them. 

“It’s fine Remus. We were very careful,” Tonks said soothingly. She hoped she could defuse this tension before the two men really got going and ruined the whole night. She didn’t appreciate having to switch gears from what was surely going to be an epic shag to playing referee between her boyfriends. 

“Fine?” he repeated, not at all dissuaded. 

“Clearly,” Sirius replied. “We are home aren’t we?” He turned away from Remus and was glaring at the wall over Tonks’ shoulder. She was suddenly very aware of the disheveled state of her clothing. 

“How could you be this fucking stupid?” Remus demanded. He was wearing a terrible smile. “How could you pull Tonks into this lunacy?”

For the first time, Tonks felt anger welling up toward Remus. “Oy Remus! I’m not a child who is easily manipulated,” she blurted out. He was reminding her of the men at work who tried to coddle her because she was young and female. They were worse than the hazers, at least those arseholes didn’t think she was some delicate, breakable china doll. “I’m a fully trained auror, currently assigned to Sirius’ case. I know better than either of you what the actual risk level is.”

Remus seemed startled by Tonks outburst. He looked directly at her for the first time. He opened his mouth to respond but she cut him off. “Sirius didn’t trick me or drag me into anything. I chose to go with him.”

Sirius’ responding smile was meant as a gloat. 

Remus looked at Tonks for a long moment before continuing. “You are an auror so you should know the risk if you were caught with him.” He turned back to Sirius, “She could have been at best fired and at worst thrown into Azkaban or executed on the spot right along with you.” 

It infuriated her that he was addressing Sirius and not her. “Remus we had contingency plans. And it’s not like we went to Diagon Alley. I know the protocols, the search parameters. I kept watch the entire time.” 

Remus turned back to her, preparing to give her another lecture she was sure but Sirius broke in. “Relax Remus. We are back, safe and sound. Nothing happened.”

But telling Remus to relax was the last thing to do when he was worked up like this. Tonks would have stepped on Sirius toes if she wasn’t still atop the side table. 

She expected Remus to shout again but he seemed deflated when he replied, “You could have both died, or worse.” 

He’s afraid. She realized. It was enough to ebb away some of her fury. He’s afraid that he could have lost us both.

But his statement had an entirely different effect on Sirius. “Either one of you could die any time you leave this godforsaken house. You don’t think I spend my time alone thinking the same damn thing?”

Remus couldn’t quite make eye contact. The anger she and Remus had been feeling seemed to have diffused and reformed within Sirius. “You are so fucking selfish Remus. You have all the fucking world and yet you still want to keep me from having any little piece of it.” 

Remus looked hurt, he lifted his chin and prepared to object, “Sirius--” 

“No. I don’t want to hear it. Whatever you are going to say.” Sirius interjected. He was squeezing Tonks hand tight enough for it to hurt. “Whatever self pitying noble martyr bullshit line you are going to give us you can just keep to yourself.”

Tonks felt Sirius building up to something gut wrenching. Something they might not be able to recover from. She wanted to stop him, to shove her hand over his mouth but she was in shock. Unable to get her body to cooperate. 

“Poor pitiful Remus! He got to show his girlfriend off all night before going out to play the hero. You know your problem Remus? You can’t seem to get past your younger self. You always thought no one could ever love you or accept you. Doomed to a life of loneliness and misery. You are too stuck on that to open your damn eyes and see that it all worked out best for you didn’t it?”

Remus seemed to be as frozen as Tonks herself was and Sirius seemed unable to stop himself now that he had worked up to this tirade. “James is dead, I spent half my life in a soul sucking ice box and Peter spent his as a fucking rat. Your life is looking pretty fucking good in comparison.” 

“You’ve got two people who love you, you get to show the world your pretty new girlfriend while I get to languish in this shithole waiting for you to get back and remember about me. I just wanted one hour to go out and dance with Tonks and you won’t even let me have that.” By the time he was done Tonks’ hand was numb, he didn’t seem to notice he was still grasping it desperately. 

Remus stood staring at Sirius with a horribly blank expression. “Are you done?” he asked in monotone. 

Sirius seemed unable to respond. He was breathing hard and Tonks thought he was very close to tears. 

“So is that what this is about?” Remus asked in that same terrible, emotionless tone. “Me and Tonks being public about our relationship? Which I remind you was your idea.”

Sirius was looking pointedly at the floor. She could see his nostrils flaring.

“There are better ways than this to deal with your jealousy, Sirius,” Remus continued. “Better than risking your life and hers.” 

Remus turned to leave, and Sirius broke out into sobs. He pulled Tonks’ hand close to his chest, “You’ll leave me for her, just like he did. You’ll both leave me,” he gasped through his tears. 

Tonks didn’t know who the “he” that Sirius was referring to was, but she understood the desperate fear Sirius was feeling. She sometimes felt it herself. That the two of them would get bored of her and she’d be left alone. She pulled Sirius down to rest against her chest, hugging him tightly. “Never,” she promised him.

This may have started for her as an unshakable attraction to Remus, now she was firmly attached to them both. She loved them as she had never loved anyone before and doubted she could ever again. “Never,” she whispered again, and Sirius sobbed harder. 

Remus joined them, putting an arm around each of them. “I’m not James and she’s not Lily and this is not even remotely the same,” he said in a sad voice. The pieces clicked in place for Tonks. She had known Sirius and James had been best friends but she hadn’t known that Sirius had been in love with him. Unrequited she guessed. She found herself holding him tighter. It was just one more hardship for him in a past brimming with them. “We both love you Sirius,” Remus murmured, kissing Sirius on the brow. “No matter how hard you try to push us away, we aren’t going anywhere.”

“Never,” she repeated again.


	15. Chapter 15

Despite the fear that Tonks had felt the night of the fight in the hallway, the weeks after had become something of a second honeymoon phase. She had been so sure at the time that she was witnessing their destruction, that her decision to aid Sirius in a night out coupled with Sirius’ malicious words would destroy the fragile harmony of their relationship. But in the end it had only seemed to make them stronger. 

Whatever had happened that night, between her and Sirius and between all three of them, had left Sirius feeling more secure. And with that security came a tenderness she had never expected. While he still loved to tease and taunt them both and he would never quite own up to the pleasure he felt in caring for them, his behavior had changed dramatically. Tonks would even call it down right, romantic at times. 

Sirius Black had taken to holding hands, cuddling and even giving sweet chaste kisses just because. Tonks could hardly believe it, but Remus seemed to barely notice it. She wondered if this is how they had been before she had entered the relationship. Perhaps it was only now, after their first fight, that she had truly become an equal third partner. 

Whatever it was, Tonks had decided to leave well enough alone. No reason to overthink such a good thing. Instead she intended to enjoy it as long as it lasted. 

It was a few weeks before the three of them had a whole day and night in all together. They had made good use of the time enjoying each other’s company. They hadn’t even made it out of bed until the sun was starting to set. Finally hunger had driven them downstairs to the kitchen but after a quick meal they had returned to the bedroom to relax.

Remus and Sirius were both reading, sitting next to each other, propped up against the headboard. The book Remus was reading looked incredibly old and heavy. Sirius was perusing a recent copy of the Quibbler. Tonks had been reading too, some muggle comic books her dad had recommended, but she had begun to lose interest after awhile and found herself watching the two of them instead. She was laying across the foot of the bed, Sirius’ feet resting on top of hers. 

She was beginning to get a bit bored but didn’t want to ruin their cozy moment. She stretched and let her eyes wander around the room. It was a bit of a mess as they had all elected to forgo their clothing today, having tossed it on the floor last night, retrieving it only long enough to eat a meal before discarding it again. It had been sexy at first but now she thought it just felt intimate. She was surprised to find that she liked that feeling just as much. 

Remus’ desk was a mess as well. Several other large old tomes were stacked haphazardly on one side and sheets of loose parchment containing his research notes covered the other. He was only messy when it came to research, she mused. He got so excited about what he was discovering that he forgot to be organized. She found it adorable. 

Tonks scrutinized the dresser too, piled high with Sirius’ unfolded clothes, until her eyes finally fell on the wardrobe and particularly a box that was set atop it. She hadn’t noticed it before but she supposed that was because as much time as she had spent in the room, she had usually been too distracted to look at the top contents of the wardrobe. 

Her curiosity and boredom got the best of her. “Hey Remus?”

“Hmm?” he asked from behind his book.

“What’s in that box?”

Both Remus and Sirius looked up from their reading to look where she was pointing. 

Remus frowned. “Oh, well that’s actually yours Sirius.” Sirius gave him a questioning look and Remus set his book down. “It’s a box of your things. I’ve had it since-- since before. It's just the things I couldn’t bare to throw out.” He looked away from them both. “I meant to give it to you that night you came to finally talk to me, but well we er-- got distracted and I forgot about it. I’ve had it for so long. Just taking it from place to place…”

Sirius gave the box a look that Tonks couldn’t quite decipher. She turned to contemplate it as well, before springing to her feet to collect it from atop the wardrobe. With box in hand, she climbed back onto the bed to face her lovers. 

“Well let’s take a peek,” she said, laying it down in front of them. It was only then she noticed how uncomfortable they both looked. Stupid, she thought. Of course neither of them would be particularly excited to rummage through a box of memories. That part of their lives had ended in tragedy and the preceding years had not much improved. “Err if you want,” she added lamely. 

Remus gave her a weak, sad smile and Sirius tentatively reached for the box. He pushed the cardboard flaps aside gingerly, pulling out a stack of pictures. “There’s James,” he said in a whisper. “And Lily.” 

He held up a photo to show Tonks. A lanky but handsome man with dark, unruly hair and a pretty redheaded woman smiled up from the photo. They were holding hands and waving. Tonks was amazed at the likeness between Harry and his father, the only difference besides age and his famous scar, were the eyes. As Tonks had heard before, Harry has his mother’s eyes. 

She reached out to touch the photo, looking up at Sirius and Remus. “They are beautiful.” 

“They were,” Remus replied softly. 

Sirius set the photos aside and next pulled out a thick stack of parchment. He looked at them with a mixture of joy and mourning. Tonks thought she could see just the briefest glint of a tear in the corner of his eye. “These are from Lily,” he said. “I should let Harry read these.”

Remus nodded, putting a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. 

Another stack of parchment laid beneath the first. Sirius took a moment to read the top of the stack to discern what they were. “Ah these are from you Remus,” he said.

Remus seemed to turn red. “From the summer of 6th year?” he asked. 

“Yup, the very same,” Sirius replied. “You wrote me a lot that summer.”

“Yes I recall,” Remus replied, failing to hide his blush. “But those aren’t that important. You can read those later,” he said.

Tonks looked from Remus to Sirius and back again. “Oh now I need to know! What so embarrassing about those letters?”

Sirius looked questioningly at the stack of letters. “I don’t remember anything embarrassing about them.”

“Yes exactly,” Remus replied in a rush. “Quite boring, mundane stuff about the weather and what you and James had planned for the summer. Nothing important.”

Sirius gave him a mischievous smile. “Seems like maybe I missed something. I should really reread these.” He winked at Tonks. “How about right now?”

Remus groaned and crossed his arms. “Fine, whatever. There isn’t anything bad, they are just… sappy.” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Sappy?”

“Yes, sappy. You completely failed to notice it but I liked you quite a lot back then. And maybe I was even trying to be a little obvious.”

Tonks smiled but kept her mouth shut. She found this interaction fascinating. A small window into their earlier lives, before the war and the trauma. 

“Were you?” Sirius asked. “Now I really need to read this!” He selected a letter at random and began to read aloud. “Dear Sirius, I envy James that he gets to spend the summer with you. I’m feeling quite alone without you. I hope that maybe you can find some time for me, maybe before the summer is through. I think about you each time I see the moon begin to rise and whenever I see a dog. Truly I do miss you…” Sirius looked up at Remus. “Wow, well now I see it,” he commented, setting the letter down with the rest. 

Tonks burst out laughing, “How did you miss that Sirius? I mean he was practically throwing himself at you.” 

Remus was now the color of a very ripe tomato. “I was getting a bit desperate,” he mumbled. 

Tonks laughed even harder but then moved close to Remus and kissed his cheek in an attempt to take the sting out of it. “Well Sirius must have been pretty thick back then.”

“I was distracted,” Sirius replied, waving his hand. 

Tonks caught her breath and regained her composure before addressing them both, “Well at least you figured it out this time around.” She placed a hand over each of their own. 

Sirius ran his free hand through his hair and Remus squeezed Tonks hand gently. Though both men seemed unsure of how to respond in the moment, Tonks appreciated being included in this discovery. She felt that she was now, in a small way, a part of the larger narrative of their relationship. There were years they had together that she would never know but here in this moment she was a part of the whole. 

Sirius returned his attention to the contents of the box, shuffling around parchments and other small reminders of his youth. A golden snitch, a gryffindor house flag with the signatures of his former quidditch teammates, a small carved black dog, a framed photo that appeared to be from the wedding of James and Lily Potter and another of Sirius holding baby Harry. At the bottom of the box were two identical hand mirrors. “I forgot about these,” Sirius said, pulling the pair of mirrors out of the box. 

“What are they?” Tonks asked, leaning forward. 

“Here,” Sirius replied handing it to her. 

Tonks gazed into the mirror but only saw her reflection. Sirius raised the other mirror in front of his face and said her name. Suddenly his face appeared in her mirror in place of her own. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “Oh I have heard of these! They are very rare though!”

“Perks of being a Black,” said both Sirius and his reflection. “James and I use to use these all the time. It was how we coordinated some of our best pranks.”

“You should give one to Harry,” Remus said. “Since he can’t write you for now.”

“Oh great idea, Remus!” Tonks cheered, handing the mirror back to Sirius.   
“Yes. This will be a great work around. That hag won’t be able to do anything about these. But I’m not even able to ask Harry if he wants to visit for his Christmas break. Molly is going to have him at the Burrow and she said she would bring him here if he wants,” he paused, glaring down at the mirrors before tucking them back into the box. “It’s just fucking frustrating I can’t even ask him myself.” 

Both Tonks and Remus moved to comfort him. Sirius remained silent but didn’t move away. “It won’t be like this forever,’ Tonks whispered. “Someday Fudge and the Ministry are going to know Dumbledore has been right all along and then you are going to be really free Sirius!”

Remus didn’t say anything but gently pressed his lips to Sirius’ brow. 

“I hope you are right,” Sirius replied with a wan smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Readers! I have been hit by the flu and some other complicated health issues that have left me less time and energy for writing. Usually this isn't a problem because I write several chapters ahead of my posting schedule to keep my posting on time. However I have now caught up to myself. I have started the next chapter but it's not finished yet. I'll do my best to try to get it to you on my regular 2 week posting schedule but fair warning I might have a small hiatus. But not to worry! I do plan to finish this story! Thanks for reading folx!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folx. A little window into my life, I'm a social worker in the health field so I've been extremely busy with the Covid-19 outbreak. Hobbies had to take a back seat to fatigue and anxiety. I think we are finally in a holding pattern here in WA and specifically in my work so I have a bit more capacity to write again. Writing actually helps me process and relax so I hope to get some more time for it in the weeks to come. 
> 
> Anyways I can't commit to a regular updating schedule right now but I promise I'm not abandoning my story. I hope you enjoy this new chapter!
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone!

The weeks leading up to Christmas were a strange mixture of tension and bliss. When Tonks could find a few free hours at home with Remus or Sirius, or better yet both, it felt like they were in their own little world, a bubble of peace, warded against the strain and anxiety of the larger world. 

On the other hand, patrols were doubled, sometimes tripled. Order members were popping in and out of the house at all hours of day and night, talking in hushed voices, all asking for information but no one had answers. It had been months since the Order had been able to find any new leads. The Death Eaters had all but vanished. No matter how many hours they spent tailing and tracking, not a one of them seemed to be up to anything that would be considered amiss. Even Mundungus seemed unable to find anyone willing to share anything. 

All signs of Voldemort’s activity had dried up. Tonks, Remus and all the other non Hogwarts affiliated Order members spent long days and nights out on missions that increasingly felt pointless. But no one believed it meant they were safe. Quite the contrary, most of them were on edge, waiting for the inevitable. 

“It’s only a matter of time before something will happen,” Moody had growled at the last Order meeting. “It’s only a matter of time before one of us goes missing without a trace. Or worse we find bits and pieces of you.” 

Molly had uttered a muffled sob at that and curled into Arthur’s chest. Charlie had glared daggers at Moody. He just shrugged in response. 

Sirius had sat with his arms crossed, leaning far back in his chair. Tonks watched as his nose twitched. Remus sat stoney faced next to him. In that moment she had wanted to reach out to them both but stopped herself. 

Moody’s words had echoed in her head for several days after that. Any time she was alone, it replayed in the back of her mind. She knew he was probably right. It made all the time she spent away from Remus and Sirius at work and on duty all the more bitter. 

The night when something awful finally happened was only a week before Christmas. Tonks had arrived home late, exhausted from several days in a row of work and Order missions. She had fallen asleep on the couch next to Sirius while he watched the tv. Remus wasn’t home yet. She had hoped to stay up late enough to at least see him before retiring to bed. They had barely had time for more than a few words over the past week. 

She awoke to an unfamiliar voice loudly yelling Sirius’ name. She jolted up right, wand in hand. 

Sirius put his hand on the wrist of her wand hand to lower it, “It’s okay it’s just the portrait.” 

Tonks looked across the room, eyes blurry from sleep. There in the picture of a dark garden, was a man with dark eyes and a pointy black beard looking quite annoyed. 

“What do you want?” Sirius asked. “Message from Dumbledore?”

“Why else?” the man in the picture bantered back. He sneered down at Tonks disapprovingly before continuing. “Arthur Weasley is severely injured. Dumbledore is sending you his children and Harry Potter.”

“Is Arthur going to be okay?” Tonks blurted out jumping to her feet.

“I don’t know. He didn’t look too good when I saw him. Anyways that’s the message. What do you want me to tell Dumbledore?”

“Of course the kids can stay here,” Sirius replied. “Go on back and tell him.”

The man in the picture rolled his eyes and began walking through the other portraits in the house, presumably back to his own. 

“Arthur had hall duty tonight,” Tonks said, turning to Sirius. “I should go see if I can help. It’s going to look even more suspicious if anyone who doesn’t work at the Ministry shows up to help.”

Sirius nodded, also rising to his feet. “Yes. You should go. I can handle the kids.” He pulled her close. “Stay safe,” he added before kissing her goodbye.

Tonks moved swiftly to the front door, apparating as soon as she was outside of the wards. She went directly to the Atrium of the Ministry. It was strange and unnerving at night, lit only with lowlights, empty of all it’s usual traffic. The echoes of her steps followed her across the cavernous room. There was no sign of the security guard. 

She wasn’t sure if the lifts worked at night and didn’t want to wait for them anyways. She ran down the stairs two at a time. When she reached the floor of the Department of Mysteries she could hear hushed conversation. In the dark it was hard to make out the scene but she saw the shadows of three people and another laying at their feet. She could smell the iron scent of blood as she approached. 

One of the figures swiveled toward her, wand extended, “Who’s there?” She recognized the gruff voice of Moody. 

“It’s Tonks,” she replied and the wand lowered. “Dumbledore sent Sirius a warning and he sent me over.” 

Moody nodded. She could see the other two shadowy figures touching, one looked to be holding the other back from the body on the floor. 

“We’ve got to be quick. Arthur isn’t doing well,” Moody announced. Tonks could see now the other two were Kingsley and Molly. Molly was struggling to reach her unconcious husband while Kingsley held her at bay, calmly explaining it would be better for her to stand back. She was distraught though and his words seemed to float right past her. 

Tonks strood over to the pair and gently put a hand on Molly’s shoulder. Kingsley looked up in a silent plea for assistance. Tonks took Molly’s hand and slid between her and Kingsley. “Molly, dear. The best thing for Arthur right now is to let Kingsley take him to St. Mungo’s.” The only sign Molly had heard her was her slow backward step. 

Molly fell into Tonks arms, silently sobbing, her body violently shaking. Tonks looked to Moody over her shoulder and he gave her a short nod. 

Kingsley had managed to get Arthur off the floor, his body was hovering at waste level, covered in thick bandages. The red was already starting to soak through. Kingsley wasted no time and began running towards the lift, levitating Arthur in front of him. 

“Get her home, Dora,” Moody called over his shoulder as he limped after them. 

Tonks held onto Molly tightly for a few moments, allowing enough time to pass for Kingsley to have made it out of the Atrium with Arther before she finally pulled away. “Molly we need to get you home. The hospital will owl you. No one can know you weren’t at home.”

Molly nodded meekly but said nothing, allowing Tonks to lead her up the stairs. 

The front hall looked undisturbed, confirming no alarm had been raised. Once they were out of the stairwell, Tonks took Molly’s hands and apparated them both to the Burrow. 

Only one light was on in the kitchen of the Burrow, it’s scant light leaving a narrow trail across the front yard. Molly silently passed through the front gate and up the steps to the front door. Tonks trailed behind awkwardly, unsure of what to say to someone who’s husband could very well be dying. 

Once inside Molly moved methodically, putting a kettle on to boil and pulling out mugs, tea and a box of biscuits. Tonks stood at the edge of the room, watching for signs of Molly breaking down into tears again. She rocked on the balls of her feet, shifting her hands restlessly, as Molly prepared the tea. 

Molly finally came to rest, slumped in a chair, huddled over her cup. Tonks moved to join her, taking the chair across from her. Molly slid the other mug, silently toward her.   
They sipped tea in silence while Molly composed herself. Tonks was just about to grab a biscuit just so she had something to do with her hands when Molly finally spoke, “Please excuse my outburst.” Her voice was a harsh croak, unlike her usual warm, earthy tone. She looked up at Tonks, eyes haunted. “It was unprofessional. I know it doesn’t do anyone any good to-- to lose your nerve like that in a crisis.”

“Molly, it’s completely reasonable, you aren’t a trained auror. It’s not like you are prepared for seeing things like that. Besides it was Arthur, your own husband no one would be able to --”

Molly took a deep breath and launched into a rebuttal, “Nonsense Tonks. They should expect it. If I can’t keep it together in battle… I’m a liability.” She glared down at her tea. “I just don’t know how you do it.” She looked up at Tonks again. “If it were Remus… you rescued Remus. He was captured. They were torturing him but you were able to stay focused. You saved him.”

Tonks swallowed hard. Her mouth suddenly feeling dry. She didn’t know how to respond to Molly. She could remain calm in a fight but trying to reassure someone in a moment like this was not something she was comfortable doing. She turned her cup around, stalling for time as she tried to think of words to say. Molly looked so earnest, so scared. 

She looked at Molly and tried to give her a sincere smile. “We are all good at different things. I am good in a crisis. My brain just gets hyper focused and all I see is my goal and how to get to it. But I’m not good at this kind of stuff Molly. The reassuring people, making them feel safe and special and loved. I just make stupid sarcastic jokes and hope people will laugh when I trip over stuff.” 

Molly reached across the table and put her hand over Tonks’. She looked to be tearing up again. “See look at that I’m making you cry again!” Tonks lamented.

Molly shook her head. “No, Tonks, dear. You are right. We all have our skills. We’ve got to stick with what we are good at. It takes all types.” She patted Tonks’ hand affectionately before withdrawing her own. “But I think you might be selling yourself short on your ability to comfort people.”

The silence returned but Tonks found it less uncomfortable then. Molly managed to finish her tea before speaking again, “Oh Merlin, I just hope he’s okay Tonks. I don’t even know what I would do if-- if--”

“Arthur is strong Molly!” Tonks exclaimed. “He will fight for you and for your family. He’s not going to go down that easy!” 

Molly was about to respond when there was a sharp tap at the window. They both turned to see a small grey owl fluttering just outside. Molly rushed to the window to let it in. The owl hopped onto her waiting hand, holding its leg out expectantly. Molly pulled the letter off and began reading it. The owl hopped back out the window into the night. Tonks got to her feet anticipating a variety of responses depending on what the letter said. 

Molly crushed the letter to her chest suddenly, tears springing to her eyes once more. “He’s alive. They need me to go right away. He’s still unconscious but they think the worst is past.” Molly rushed to Tonks, scooping her into a firm hug. “Oh Tonks, he’s alive!” she cried. Tonks squeezed her tight in response. 

When Molly released her Tonks asked, “Would you like me to come with you?” 

“No, no I’ll manage. You’ve done enough for tonight dear. You should get home and get some rest.” 

Tonks smiled and nodded as Molly grabbed her cloak from the back of a chair and head back out to the yard to apparate.

As much as Tonks wanted to take Molly’s suggestion, she knew it would be best to find Moody to check in and regroup. She’d need to be on the same page about the cover story before she got to work in the morning and some things were safer to say in person than by owl.


	17. Chapter 17

The days preceding the attack on Arthur passed in a blur. Tonks had thought she had been overworked before, now she didn’t have a spare minute to think much about it. The cover story for Arthur’s injury had been accepted with little comment, but Tonks and Kingsley both suspected Scrimngor hadn’t believed it for one second. He found every opportunity to grill them, slipping in questions about the night Arthur was attacked in every conversation and surprising them with unexpected questions about Dumbledore and his “associates”. Tonks dodged him as best as she could when she was in the office. Luckily, she was spending far more time in the field lately.

Despite Fudge's ongoing public assertions that everything “is business as usual”, internally many of the Ministry employees were starting to show concern. The Office of Magical Law Enforcement was seeing an increase in mysterious disappearances and the number of reports of odd and unexplainable behaviors were more and more common. Scrimngor was sending the aurors out in force to maintain the image of Ministry control and stability. Unfortunately it mostly resulted in an increase in citations and hearings for minor offenses. While the aurors were busier than ever, politics were keeping them from investigating anyone who was actually dangerous. The former Death Eaters like Malfoy who had managed to stay out of Azkaban after the first war had all maneuvered themselves into positions of safety, using gold and politics to protect themselves from scrutiny.

Tonks would have been quite upset about the injustice of it all, not to mention the waste of resources, had she only been a little less sleep deprived. As it stood she didn’t have the energy for outrage. When she wasn’t on the clock, drowning in busy work, she was on Order business. Since the attack on Arthur, people were doubling up for hall duty, which made it safer but also increased the amount of time they each spent in that damnable hallway. When it wasn’t the hallway it was escorting Molly and the kids to and from the hospital or going undercover to seek out information. She’d spent a few evenings, disguised as a dark, brooding young woman hanging in places known to have Death Eater recruiters, trying to attract someone who might have some new intel. 

It was hard to tell if she had lost weight due to the frequency of modifying her body, but she was getting used to missing meals, especially when it was a choice between food or sleep. She hadn’t seen Remus in several days and had limited interactions with Sirius. With the house so full, she hadn’t even been able to sneak into his bedroom to sleep in the same bed. 

It wasn’t until the Sunday before Christmas that she had a night off. Managing to slip out of the office before Scrimngor could corner her again, she rushed home daydreaming of a Molly cooked meal. 

To her delight, she found that Molly had set a seat for her. “Kingsley stopped in earlier,” Molly explained as she placed a large bowl of hearty stew and a flakey crust of bread in front of her. “He said you’d have tonight off.” 

Tonks wasted no time in tucking in, burning the roof of her mouth but deeming it worth it. She smiled at Molly and exclaimed, “Delicious!”

Molly gave her a faint smile in response before moving on down the table to fuss over her children’s dishes. Tonks noticed she looked about as tired as Tonks felt, but it didn’t stop her from forcing another few ladles of stew into Harry’s bowl, nor chiding Fred for directing a hunk of bread straight into Ron’s face with his wand.

Tonks ripped her piece of bread apart to dunk in her stew. She was too tired to keep up with the conversation going round the table but felt more relaxed than she had all week, savoring each bite of dinner in the busy hum of the kitchen. It was good to see the kids having fun, everyone safe and happy together at the table. 

Her moment of introspection was interrupted by a pair of hands on her shoulders. “Good to see you, Tonks,” Sirius whispered in her ear before taking the seat next to her. 

“Hey Sirius,” she said nonchalantly as Molly hurried over to get him a bowl as well. Once Molly was out of the way she asked, “Heard from Remus?”

Sirius shook his head, mouth already full with stew. Tonks had known it would be unlikely for Remus to be home tonight too but she had still held out some hope. She couldn’t remember the last time she had gone so long without even seeing him. But she took solace in the fact that she was at least getting to eat dinner with Sirius. She bumped her shoulder into his playfully and he hooked his foot around her ankle under the table, out of sight.

Tonks remained silent for most of dinner, while Sirius had a long discussion with Harry, Ron and the twins about the Hogwarts Quidditch season. It was mostly about how unfair the punishments Umbridge had dolled out to them were and how poor the odds were without their star seeker and veteran beaters. Tonks couldn’t help but notice that Ginny seemed a bit put out by the conversation. Bill had finally come to her rescue by changing the subject to another one of his Egyptian tomb misadventures.

Tonks tried to keep up with the story but found it hard to focus between her overworked brain and the way Sirius kept nudging her under the table. Most of them had finished dinner some time ago but no one seemed in any hurry to leave the table. Tonks was just beginning to wonder if perhaps her and Sirius could find a few moments alone when he leaned in and whispered, “Meet you in the hallway in a few minutes. You go first.”

The combination of his words and his breath on the bare skin of her neck sent chills down her back. The good sort. Without a word she got up and stretched before making her way out of the kitchen. 

It was only a few moments before Sirius emerged from the kitchen to meet her. He closed the distance between them swiftly, pushing her against the wall. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered seductively and she smiled. 

She took a deep breath anticipating his kiss. It was deep and long, filled with need. She only pulled back when his hands began to wander. “We’re still in a hallway,” she pointed out.

“I can’t seem to care,” he replied crashing his lips back into hers. She kissed him back hard, pushing them both away from the wall. 

“I think you’ll find you do if Molly catches us,” she countered.

With an exaggerated sigh he picked her up, holding her around the waist and carried her into the closest available room, which happened to be the lounge. 

As soon as the door was closed he had her pinned to the wall again, this time trailing kisses down her neck. She giggled in delight, grabbing fistfuls of his hair. His hungry hands were tugging at her clothes, seeking a point of entry, when they were startled out of their intimacy by a pronounced gasp and the sound of something very large hitting the floor.

“Oh! Excuse me! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Hermione squealed from the middle of the room. She had her hand over her eyes and her face was beat red. Tonks saw a large old book at her feet.

Sirius let Tonks down and took a step away, his face unnaturally pale. Tonks pulled at her shirt, making sure nothing much was revealed.

“Err, I’ll just— err being going. I didn’t see anything. I mean I didn’t mean to see anything. I didn’t know you’d be using this room. I mean it’s your house you can— of course you can— I’m sorry!” Hermione sputtered as she made her way to the door, her hand still blocking her view of them. The book lay forgotten on the floor.

Neither Tonks nor Sirius moved or said a word until she had left the room.

“Well fuck,” Sirius said breaking the silence.

“Do you think she’ll say anything?” Tonks asked, moving to lock the door.

“Well I don’t think she’ll go telling Molly but you know how Harry, Ron and Hermione are. If one of them knows something they all do.” He pulled out his wand and cast a silencing spell. “But I don’t even know if the kids know about you and Remus, so maybe it won’t really matter? I doubt any of them would mention anything like this to another adult.”

Tonks slumped onto the sofa, exhausted. “Well that really killed the mood.”

Sirius sat down next to her and pulled her against his chest. “I haven’t been this close to you or Remus in a week.” She closed her eyes, relishing the closeness. “It’s nice having the kids around, especially now that we know Arthur will be fine, but I’m just constantly worrying about you both.”

Tonks snuggled closer. He must really miss us to be so honest, she thought. “Well I’m here now.” He squeezed her gently. “Do you think they will notice we’re missing?”

“They’ll probably just think we went to sleep,” he murmured, idly running his fingers through her hair. After several silent moments he realized that wasn’t entirely untrue.


	18. Chapter 18

“It’s not all so bad you know,” Remus said to the new werewolf patient who shared a ward with Arthur. The man had refused to respond to him no matter the many attempts he had made to try to comfort him. This time was no different. He glared up at Remus, his face ridgid. He had the look of someone who had only recently lost a lot of weight and his skin was ashen. 

Remus smiled at him. “I’m not doing so bad. You’ll be okay.” The look the man gave him was a sneer. Remus gestured across the room at Tonks who was standing a few steps away from the foot of Arthur’s bed, watching on as the Twins tried to cheer Arthur with some of their joke shop wands. “See her? She’s dating me. Doesn’t care at all about the werewolf thing.” 

Remus felt a twinge of jealousy and a surge of pride as the man looked Tonks up and down. “No way,” he said flatly. His voice was hoarse from disuse. “Pretty little thing like that? With you?” The man shook his head. 

Remus pursed his lips, trying to think of a response when he turned back to see Tonks heading their way. “Hey love,” she said, taking his hand. She nodded to the man in the bed, before turning back to Remus. “They are going to be a while,” she tilted her head to the side to indicate she was talking about the Weasleys, Harry and Hermoine. “So I’m going to go out to the hall for a while. It’s a bit crowded in here.” She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek before heading out to the hall. 

The man in the bed looked bewildered. “I don’t believe it!” 

“I told you it’s not all as bad as you think. Some people don’t care at all,” Remus replied with a grin. Tonks’ timing had never been better. 

The barest of smiles lit the man’s face and he shook his head. “Well what in the hell are you still doing here talking to me? She wants you out in the hall with her.” Remus nodded. As he made his way out the door the man added, “Thanks for taking the time.” 

“It was my pleasure,” Remus replied. 

He found Tonks leaning against the wall a few yards down from the door. Her hair was black today and long framing her face and accentuating the paleness of her skin. She had made herself just a few inches taller than usual and Remus couldn’t help but notice that her figure was a little more curvy as well. The rest of her features were unaltered. When she looked up at him, she smiled.

“I miss you,” she said, reaching out and pulling him closer by his hand. 

He wrapped an arm around her, breathing in her scent. There were faint traces of Sirius there too and he wondered if the two of them had spent the night together. The thought had him envious and stirred. “I miss you too.”

There was a devious hint to her smile as she leaned in closer. He felt a strong urge to push her into the wall and shag her relentlessly, public decency be damned, but he had no desire to end up in the Ministry holding tank for indecent exposure so he bit his lip and sank his finger nails deep in his palms instead. 

She pouted, expecting a kiss that hadn’t come. “Well? Aren’t you going to snog me?” she chirped. 

Remus broke eye contact, looking down the empty corridor. He had spent long periods of time completely sexless, years even at some points, but between her and Sirius he hadn’t gone much more than a day without release in months. It had only been a week but somehow it felt longer than all the empty years combined. “Full moon isn’t too far off,” he replied softly. “I haven’t seen you awake in more than a week. I’m trying very hard to remember we are in public.”

She rested her face against his chest, he felt her hot breath on his collar bone. “Did you watch me sleep?” she asked in mock innocence. She knew very well what she was doing. 

He pulled her tightly against himself, resting his lips on the brow of her head. If she wanted to tease him, he would let her. He felt fortunate to be holding at least one of his lovers for the first time in a week. Outside of a rather uncomfortably squished and quick encounter with Sirius in a broom cupboard a few days past, he’d lacked for any sort of affection. Order work was hard and he had become more essential in the days since the attack on Arthur. But he was used to hardships like lack of sleep and lack of food. It had been odd this past week to discover that he was no longer use to lack of sex and affection. 

Tonks wiggled impatiently, trying to maneuver into a position that would allow her to kiss him. Remus didn’t loosen his grip. “Anyone could walk by you know,” he replied. “What if someone from the Ministry comes by to visit their dear old mum and find one of the Aurors shagging in the hall?” 

She sighed loudly, giving up trying to make him budge. “I’d tell them to mind their own damn business. Besides, I can change my face. How will they even know it was me?”

Remus was trying to think of a witty response when he realized she hadn’t given up, but rather changed tactics. “Oh,” was all he could manage as he felt her hand inside his pants, her warm palm working its way up and down his now elongated shaft. 

“Oh indeed,” she echoed. He could hear the satisfaction in her voice. 

His grip on her loosened. He kept one arm around her and dropped the other to give her room to use as she saw fit. Her extra height meant she could reach his lips without removing her hand from his pants. 

“But what - about - you..” he panted between kisses. 

“You can take care of me next,” she reassured him, quickening the pace of her hand on his cock, making him moan. 

His eyes were closed and he was leaning heavily on the wall for support when a shriek cut through the hazy of his ecstacy. In a swift movement he had managed to roll Tonks behind him with one hand and draw his wand with the other. There was only a second or two in delay as she drew her own and they stood back to back, wands focused on either end of the hall. 

“P-p-professor Lupin?” a small but familiar voice squeaked. 

Remus felt the blood rush to his face and he quickly lowered his wand realizing he was pointing it at one of his former students. Hermoine was standing in the middle of the hall, her face a red sheet of embarrassment and shock. He heard Tonks mutter “shite” under her breath. 

Remus was desperately trying to think of something to alleviate the awkwardness of the situation. Hermione was his brightest and most observant student. There was no way she had missed Tonks hand down his pants or the currently unbuttoned state of said pants. The best thing he could do is come up with some sort of change of subject to avoid mentioning anything that may have been seen or heard in the past sixty seconds.

Brilliant as always, Hermione beat him to it. She gulped, took a deep breath and then asked “Er professor Lupin would you happen to know where the toilet is?”

“Oh yes, of course,” Remus stammered, trying to pretend that Hermoine was asking this question under entirely different circumstances. “Right down that way, end of the hall, third to the left.”

“Thank you,” she replied, face still blazing red. She gave Tonks a sharp look before heading off in the direction Remus had indicated. 

He buttoned up his pants and turned to Tonks once Hermoine was out of earshot. “Well that was probably the most awkward thing that has ever happened to me and I grew up with Sirius.” 

Tonks cringed, “Oh it gets more awkward.” She hid her face in her hands. “She caught me and Sirius last night. Or well rather we stupidly didn’t check a room before we started to-- er well you know.” 

“Oh,” was all Remus could manage. 

“Should I talk to her about it? She must think I’m some kind of tramp. What if she tells Harry?” 

Remus hung his head. “Perhaps we should both talk to her?”

“Oh Merlin no! That would only make it even more awkward!” Tonks exclaimed.

Remus let out a little sigh. He hadn’t really wanted to be a part of that conversation anyways. “Well if you think it’s best.”

“I don’t bloody know well what is best. But I wouldn’t want rumors to get out of hand and Harry deserves to know the truth from us, someday.” Tonks replied. 

Remus nodded in agreement. 

Tonks took his hand, leading him back toward the ward. “Let’s just not be in this hallway when she gets back.” He couldn’t agree more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Folx!
> 
> I'm on a little vacation and was able to take some time to edit these two chapters. I'm about halfway through writing another and I hope to get you a few more before I got back into work hiatus. I hope everyone is doing okay out there and staying safe and healthy!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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